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Don’t Say It.
Some of my friends in this diocese may know that I am a survivor of breast cancer. I am 22 years out, in excellent health, and grateful for every day. I didn’t have a particularly bad time of it, I came through with relative ease. But I am altered because of it and I have scars.
So, in October every year when the check-out lady at the grocery store looks at me and says, “Would you like to give something to Breast Cancer?” it is all I can do not to snap, “I’ve given enough, thanks.” But she doesn’t know. So, I hold my tongue. And I try not to be hurt by her well-meaning insensitivity.
There is a popular meme on social media that reminds us that we never know what someone is going through and to be kind. In the case of occasions like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we want that kindness to be wishing our friends and neighbors a happy day. And that is great. But we have to be careful.
Even if we know this person is a father, do we know they are in right-relationship with their child? Do we know if they are mourning the loss of their own father? Even if we know the man next door has a young family come visit him, do we know that is his family? Do we know if he tried but could not have children? Or any of myriad other possibilities that might make this day slightly less than happy, and the reminder unwelcome?
Hopefully, everyone we meet has a better handle on their temper than I do. Hopefully, they remember, as Jesus did, that we humans often “do not know what we do.” But unless we are absolutely sure that we are on safe ground with the people to whom we are speaking, let’s take a breath before we wish them a holiday that hurts.
Our intentions are good, our desire is to recognize what is for many people the most blessed and rewarding of roles in their lives. Our intention absolutely is not to injure or re-injure the very people we are reaching out to in friendship.
So, let’s play it safe. Let’s acknowledge that the person we want to make feel good is this one right in front of us, whoever they are, whatever is going on that we don’t know about. Let's go with, “It is good to see you” or “I’m glad you are here.” Everybody likes to hear that.
You remain in my prayers,
+Shay
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