"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places."
"The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
"Then don't do that!"
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps
finding her way back."
"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey
kept a diary of the trip."
"There was a girl knocking on my hotel room
door all night! Finally, I let her out."
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't
need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
I'll never forget one evening back about 1993.
I was entertaining at a benefit dinner party
in an old San Jose nightclub.
The after-dinner speaker was veteran comedian
Henny Youngman. Master of the quick one-liner,
and one of my all-time favorite comics.
Standing with his violin, he'd play a few notes
between jokes. Which were two short sentences:
First: Tell the story quickly.
Second: Deliver the punch.
Knocked me out!
He had us laughing over a half hour with
a ton of these classic one-liners. Starting
with his signature:
"Take my wife. Please".
And another one I'll always remember:
A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't
eaten in two days!" I said, "Force yourself!"
What a great line! It's been one of my favorites
ever since. I think of it whenever someone tells
me they're stuck on a project and can't go on.
I'd like to say,
"Force yourself! Just put
yourself where you need to be, remove
obvious distractions, and go for it!"
Just set a goal and imagine a few "easy-to-do"
steps to reach it. Then stick out your foot
and take that first step.
Really, what's the worst that could happen?
Possibly your first attempt might be so awful,
you'll die from embarrassment.
More likely, though, your first try will be
pretty decent and show the way to improve
the next step.
Are YOU stuck on a project right now?
Let's say, for example, you're planning
a party and can't decide the perfect
to set the mood you want.
Well, don't just sit there. Figure where you
want to wind up and ask yourself how
get there. What do you need
to decide first?
So ask a friend for suggestions. Ask someone
who's done this before. Ask a professional
Or for goodness sake, ask a musician.
They'll probably begin with
"Tell me about
the mood you're looking for."
That's the first question I always ask whenever
I help anyone plan music for their celebration.