Five Effective Ways to Stop Being Self-Critical
According to Attitude Reconstruction the root of being self-deprecating - such as never feeling or being "enough" - is to express the underlying sadness, ongoing anger, and incapacitating fear in a physical and constructive way, and rewire your crummy thinking.
Are you more than ready to silence the tyrant? Then try these strategies to stop being self-critical when you feel like you make a mistake so you can show yourself more love.
1. Especially when you're crying, but also when you feel angry or scared, vigilantly interrupt the less than kind things you tell yourself and stick with telling yourself, "It's okay. I'm just feeling my emotions."
2. To rewire your trash talk, write down the most common things you say to yourself, such as "I'm so stupid." "I blew it again." "I'm such a bad person." "I'm unlovable."
3. Determine what contradicts your old messages and write them down on a card or paper. Change the sentiment to something more positive, such as "I'm doing the best I can. / I did the best I could." I'm fine and I'm doing fine." Or "Life is for learning. We all make mistakes." Or "If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently." Put them on a 3×5 card and carry them in your pocket, daytimer, the dashboard of your car, or on your smartphone.
4. Relentlessly repeat your new thoughts, especially when you're judging yourself poorly or when you're crying and feeling down. Repeat them ten, twenty, thirty times! It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. Just repeat them. Interrupt all the "yes, buts" and other discounting thoughts that surface and continue to repeat your new truths.
5. Shower yourself with kindness in the form of self-appreciations. Compliment your own abilities, characteristics, qualities, and efforts. It's not boasting or bragging. It's looking on the bright side.
To practice, name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try writing one, two or three self-appreciations each day, and at the end of a week, read the list out loud with enthusiasm, conviction, and a smile.
If this feels totally weird and you can't come up with a single self-appreciation, start with something small. Name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try something like:
· I have a good sense of humor.
· I'm a dependable friend.
· I take good care of my cat.
· I like to do nice things for others.