Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. -Dale Carnegie

Several years ago, I was sitting in my car by the side of the road, watching the busy State Route 9 traffic whiz by me as I waited for the police officer to finish writing the speeding citation I had earned for going 50 in a 35, the day I misplaced my wallet.

That’s right I was enjoying THIS adventure without a license. Many of you would never guess that there is any stretch of Massachusetts Route 9 with a 35 mile speed limit, but I found it and one of Brookline’s finest found me coming over the hill as a certified danger to society and waved me over.

I was contemplating the lesson I was learning and also thinking it was going to be an expensive one. It was about to be the perfect end to a high stress week where not too much went right. I had neighbor problems, I had phone problems, I had computer problems, I had knee problems, I had car problems, and I learned that I had problems with my problems. We all have those kinds of weeks from time to time.

As I sat there I was painfully aware that I was about to slip into the land of feeling-sorry-for-myself. I was teetering on the edge of ‘why me?’

However, with one swoop of the pen, the officer who when faced with four choices on the citation of "ALL CIVIL INFRACTIONS" “CRIMINAL APPLICATION” “ARREST’ or “WARNING” checked the last box, told me to be more careful and wished me luck in finding my wallet! As I drove off, I nearly cried. I’m sure you know the pressure of sitting and waiting for the ticket to arrive, how the time moves ever so slowly, and you are wondering how much the fine is going to be.

I had my first warning! I had been bagged and escaped with only a 3X5 souvenir and a financial surprise from my car insurance company on future bills. In that instant, it didn’t matter, my day was looking up.

I thought back to high school when the guys I mostly hung out with had an expression if one of us slipped into a certain mood. “FSFY” Jackie, Bill or Joe would call out , with the accompanying allegation that you were “Feeling Sorry for Yourself.” Wouldn't it be great to have a FSFY app on your smart phone that buzzed every time you felt sorry for yourself?

I noticed years ago that nothing good happened to me when I was FSFM (feeling sorry for myself), and I wondered if it was a coincidence, and concluded it was not. My theory is that when you are FSFY, you most likely set up a force field around yourself that prevents good things from happening to you, and makes bad things more likely, because you are using too much of your energy internally for no good purpose.

Anyone remember the phrase ‘bad things happen in threes?” Guess why? It starts with a (small?) thing that doesn't go the way you hoped and you FSFY. And then it snowballs from there. But why? Why did I not recognize that speed zone in Brookline? Probably lamenting my forgotten wallet. If the citation had been a ticket instead of a warning, who knows how the rest of the day might have gone because I would have been firmly in a FSFM seat.

This week, if something not in your plans happens to you, before you hop on that FSFY train and start building that force field that will prevent anything good from coming your way, here, for your evaluation are the three things I do before I put the FSFY cologne on:

• Look in the Mirror. When you are drifting into FSFY you spend an inordinate amount of time looking around with your finger pointing to try to figure out the cause of your ‘poor me’ situation. My advice? Try a freakin mirror when that happens, it will save you a lot of time, I know it works very well for me.

• Act Unpredictably Positive: Subconsciously, in my opinion, we all crave empathy and/or sympathy when things don't go our way. When you act in a non-predictable positive manner, you generally impress yourself, and others, and the feeling is better than any empathy or sympathy could be. It is also hard to FSFY when you are externally positive.

• Pay More Attention: When things are going wrong, it is likely that you've missed some signs or clues that could have prevented your slide. Francis of Assisi was famous for advising that you should seek first to understand, then to be understood. Make sure you are paying attention and outwardly focused so that you can see good things before bad things find you. Remember your wallet.