The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today Friday the 8th of Adar Beis 5782 and March 11, 2022
Purim Torah
Separating Fact from Fiction
It's time to talk about Purim and dispel some of the false rumors that have been spreading about Rabbi Eisenman and Purim
Parshas Zachor and Fake News- Here are some of the horrific stories being spread about me:
1. Rabbi Eisenman is against women hearing Parshas Zachor
2. Rabbi Eisenman does not allow the women to enter the Shul during Parshas Zachor
3. Once a woman snuck in the Shul for Parshas Zachor and Rabbi Eisenman- after having the woman forcibly removed, instructed the Baal Koreh to re-read Parshas Zachor
4. Any woman who listens to Parshas Zachor at any Shul may not hear Megillah at the Ahavas
5. If a woman does listen to Parshas Zachor, she is violating the Torah prohibition of Kol Ish
6. To ensure no women hear Parshas Zachor, Rabbi Eisenman has the women's section hermetically sealed with plexiglass, and hava nagilla is played at 195 decibels throughout the morning
The Truth
1. Rabbi Eisenman encourages all women of all ages to come to hear Parshas Zachor as they fulfill a Torah Mitzvah-
2. However, Rabbi Eisenman follows the rulings of the Sefer HaChinuch, the Toras Chesed, The Chazon Ish, The Brisker Rov, and Rav Moshe Feinstein.
3. These Torah greats are of the opinion that women are not OBLIGATED to hear Parshas Zachor.
4. They can (of course) fulfill the Mitzvah. However, they are not obligated to fulfill it
5. Therefore, if a woman can come, please do
6. However, she is not obligated to come
7. As a married woman's obligation is to her family first, the family's needs take precedence.
8. A married woman does not have to come to Shul to hear Parshas Zachor if doing so will compromise her responsibilities to her family.
9. A woman can fulfill the Mitzvah by reading the Parsha from a Chumash (according to the overwhelming majority of poskim)
10. There are no extra readings for women, as taking out a Sefer Torah is highly questionable when not obligated to do so.
The Megillah- And More Fake News
1. Rabbi Eisenman is against Klopping for Haman
2. Once, someone Klopped for Haman, and he was made to stand in the corner for ten minutes with his head toward the wall
3. Everyone is searched before entering the Shul to make sure they have no klopping devices on them
4. Everyone must pass through a "klopper/grogger/detector" specially manufactured by Haman Inc.
5. Rabbi Eisenman has "Groggstapos" – individuals who patrol the Shul during the Megillah laining and are instructed to give a big KLOP on the head to anyone who Klops Haman.
6. Once a fellow dropped a Sefer on the floor exactly when the word Haman was read. Notwithstanding his pleas that it was an accident, Rabbi Eisenman said, "You are accountable for your Klopping whether you do it on purpose, by accident, or even in your sleep! There are no exemptions!"
The Truth
1. Rabbi Eisenman loves Klopping and Groggers- it’s a Minhag Yisroel
2. However, being that the Megillah is only beginning to be read at 7:40 PM and we have been fasting all day, Rabbi Eisenman has instituted the four-second Klop
3. This means everyone should Klop, kids, adults, women, men, everyone. However, the klops should not exceed four seconds
4. You'd be surprised how much Klopping you can get it in, in just four seconds.
5. There will be a three-second grace period for those who go "Klop-crazy," and we will not begin to discipline anyone until they pass the seven-second Klop.
6. After four seconds (or B'dieved- seven seconds), you have used up your Klop time for that Haman reading
7. Anyone exceeding their allotted time will be penalized and put in the penalty box (located in the back right corner of the men's section) for the next two Hamans and prohibited from Klopping.
8. We are attempting to achieve a balance where Klopping is preserved, and so are our lives
Purim Day
Mishloach Manos- Fake News
1. Rabbi Eisenman is against Mishloach Manos
2. Once, someone brought him a large Mishloach Manos, and he threw it out the window
3. He hangs a sign in his window, PIP, which stands for Please Ignore Purim!
4. He doesn't let the women come to Shul on Parshas Zachor
5. He doesn't let you Klop for Haman
6. He doesn't let you bring Mishloach Manos!
7. Rabbi Eisenman ignores Purim!!!
8. If you attempt to bring his Mishloach Manos, he quickly grabs your package, takes it to the kitchen, rips it open, rearranges it and hands it back to you, and says, "Happy Purim!"
Real News
1. Rabbi Eisenman loves Mishloach Manos; he just feels that people should not be pressured to prepare dozens and dozens of Mishloach Manos if they don't want to, nor should they feel pressured to have to return a Mishloach Manos just because they received one.
2. However, those who love making theme Mishloach Manos and enjoy delivering them and this is their Simchas Purim- are encouraged to do so!
3. PIP- stands for Purim is Personal!
Getting Drunk- The Real Deal- The Truth and Nothing But the Truth
1. Getting Drunk is terrible
2. Chazal were always against getting drunk
3. Chazal never wanted anyone to throw up all over the place or pass out on someone's floor
4. Underage drinking is terrible
5. Giving a drink to an underage child is worse than giving them treif
6. A person who encourages young people to drink is a Rasha and a Choteh and is akin to someone who distributes drugs to children.
7. If you are faced with the choice to give a young person either a cheeseburger or a 4-ounce alcoholic drink, better to provide the cheeseburger
8. A person who supplies alcohol to minors should be rebuked publicly and, if need be, physically restrained from providing alcohol to minors.
9. As a teacher for many years of our young women, I can attest that many of them on Purim are embarrassed and shocked at the behavior of their male relatives and individuals they were taught to revere .
10. They find it difficult to respect their father, rabbi, teacher, etc., when they see him on Purim in a drunken stupor on the front lawn of a neighbor's home holding on to a bottle of Johny Walker in a pool of vomit.
11. They fail to see how this represents getting closer to Hashem or his Torah
12. (I guess since they are women, they are not privileged to understand the mystical aspects of the Torah)
13. It seems to them this behavior represents getting closer to those behaviors/culture/people which we are taught to loathe the entire year
14. Many of these young women are afraid for their safety. (they have told me so)
15. When drunken young men are given free rein in a home where young women are present. All is permitted "in the spirit of Purim,"
16. More than one young woman has tearfully informed me how her modesty was compromised in a most grotesque and humiliating fashion.
17. Acting in such un-Torah ways is not what Chazal meant in their famous dictum of "Chayav Inish L'vsumei.. Ad D" Lo Yada…"-
18. Many corrupt this phrase as a license for allowing drinking to occur with abandon
19. The poskim write if the alcohol will cause a person to act in a way unbecoming of a Torah personality, then that person should not drink
20. The Rema in Shulchan Aruch does not advocate being drunk. He says to drink a little more than usual and take a nap
21. The Mishna Berura writes this opinion of the Rema is "worthy of being followed."
22. Alcohol is a dangerous substance; it can bring Simcha and joy only when utilized properly.
23. When misused, it can wreak havoc and destruction.
24. The Mishna Berura quotes the Meiri who says the drinking must bring you to closeness to Hashem. If it brings you to lightheaded behavior, then don't do it.
Happy Purim
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman
Rabbi
Congregation Ahavas Israel
Passaic, NJ
