Since we were very young many of us
have been taught that we "should" take care of others before taking care of ourselves. And we have been taught to believe that it is a positive feature to be able to put others first. We're proud of forgetting our own needs and making sure others are doing fine.
Putting yourself first
I truly believe in my heart, that you can never make the people around you happy, when you are not happy yourself. How on earth can you take care of others when you don't take care of yourself?
When a store only gives things away, it will be empty very quickly. By asking for money in return, a store can refill itself and be able to continuously provide us with the items we need. A bank account will not be able to support us very long when we only take money out of it.
Stuff is energy. Money is energy. Love is energy.
By only giving, we run empty very quickly. We need to refill ourselves in order to be able to keep on giving over a long period of time. We could hold other people responsible for filling ourselves up with energy. We could expect others to do us a favor when we help them out. And.....is that creating a dependency on others for our well-being? Is it fair to give others a responsibility that they never asked for? And do we end up blaming them for something they never realized that were expected to do?
What is self-love?
Real self-love means loving and accepting yourself completely and unconditionally for all that you are. Including your flaws and imperfections. It means embracing your shadow side for it teaches you about life. It means being the real you without putting your ego up front. Your ego consists of the masks and patterns you have created throughout your life. And, your ego is not who you really are. Your ego is like a character in a play that you wrote. And you are the director. You can gently ask the ego to step away from the stage so you can show your really you to yourself-and the audience.
Love the creator of your world. Love who you are~
Self-love is putting yourself central in your world from a state of love. Egoism is putting you central from a
state of fear. Egoism is created by deficiency and scarcity. You might have experienced a lace
of love when you were a child and feel like you need to catch up on love now. And, by doing that you are focusing on the need. And you feel that love is a scarce resource. Egoistic love means a fear of sharing love because you are afraid there won't be enough love left for you.
Egoism is securing a large piece of the cake without caring if everybody gets some. Self-love is making sure everybody, including yourself, gets a piece of the cake, even when the piece everybody gets will be smaller because you also gave yourself a piece.
Self-love your first priority
I truly believe self-love is the most important condition for living a happy life. Self-love is the foundation for any process of growth.
How to love yourself?? Well it's a process I had to learn myself....It sounds simple.....and for me and many of my clients it was/is difficult to create this new way of being. It is very easy to make loving yourself conditionally. "I can only love myself when you show you love me." I can only love myself when I do yoga every day." I can only love myself when I'm thin." I can only love myself when the house is clean." I can only love myself when I'm in nature."
That is not self-love. Self-love is loving yourself when you are sitting on the couch, doing nothing, unshowered, tangled hair, in a messy house, with a huge to-do list waiting for you and the kids/grandkids/dog/cat jumping on the couch.
Self-love is embracing you for being afraid to make a phone call. Self-love is embracing your furious rage about nothing because it teaches you about forgetting to create your own boundaries and finding out what is important for you.
Self-love is staring into the sunset with no one around and feeling perfectly happy. Self-love is
sharing love and happiness with the people around you because there is enough of it.
When you really love yourself, there is love and happiness abundantly. You will overflow with those emotions. And, that overflow is exactly the part you can share with others. You feel totally fulfilled with yourself, and you feel there is still infinite love and happiness to share.
Egoism and Scarcity
When I notice that I am acting on a base of egoism (fear and scarcity), I embrace all the feelings that are popping up, knowing they are not about anyone else, but all about myself. I know there is work to do. It certainly can feel easier and very tempting to judge and resist those feelings. And, by doing that I know that will only make them stronger. Ha! I've tried it....and it never worked!
What I try to do now is to accept all emotions and to communicate with all these little voices that try to tell me What I try to do now is to accept all the emotions and to have a conversation with all the little voices that are trying to tell me something. Many times fear stems from a time where you felt you missed something (love, money, attention, food...) And fear is trying to protect you, and very often there is no danger right now. Fear is trying to protect you from something that is not there.
By listening to what your emotions want to share with you, most of the weight is already released. It can be helpful to write down your feelings if you are finding it hard to talk about them (or when you don't know who you could share your thoughts freely with. You could sing, meditate, dance, run or shout. Feel what would help you in this situation. Personally I find taking long walks, doing yoga and writing in my journal is very beneficial for me.
You will notice that when you take time to listen to what your fear wants to tell you without judgment, you can let it go. Embrace your fears; embrace yourself, for it will only bring you closer to who you truly are.
Accepting yourself for all that you are is self-love. Accepting egoism is self-love.
Much Love is being sent to YOU!