Yoga teaches us to be in the grand flow of giving and receiving, teaches us to feel this through our breath, in our being, in connection to the world. I felt that the first time on my mat. Unbeknownst to me, my journey was opening me to connect to the art of receiving. Yet, often the messages of yoga are subtle, even elusive. This seed that was planted in my first practice lay dormant, sprouting only in the last few years. The sprouting of that seed has given me the opportunity to witness how frightening it is for me to receive, how I resist and side-stepped true exchange. As I allowed the organic growth to open me, I watched myself planning how I would give back for what I was receiving. The discomfort of receiving was palpable, definitely observable. Rather than being in the grand flow I would be stuck in the discomfort, guilt would occupy my mind, thoughts would arise that I need to ‘repay.’ I would experience the sense that I now ‘owed’ this person, became indebted to them. This sense of ‘indebtedness’, this deep-seated belief, has been slow to dissolve. Its tendrils are wide spread and twist and coil around my every day experiences.
To become aware of our fears, our limiting beliefs, is a powerful force. Awareness becomes the ally of our healing, the ally of our highest self. This ally brings clarity in the moments of resistance. I witnessed myself and my inability to fully receive. With every bit of growth, as the old patterns of blocking would arise. I would try convincing myself that my lack of receiving was not harming anyone. Yet, blocking the natural flow of life harms all. It is a disruption of the most natural flow of our world. For me, it affects the way I hold myself in the world, it sustains the belief of undeservedness, it blocks me feeling nourished, it confines my soul, keeps me from being in the natural flow of life.
As my awareness of this essential truth expands, a new foundation is created. The sprouted seed begins to flower! Wisdom arises - the natural current of life cannot be contained! The ebb and flow of all that is – love – is a stronger force than my refusing. With all my might I simply cannot block the abundance, the love, the goodness of life. I can though create barriers so that rather than it being a swelling tide, it becomes a trickle. Release of those barriers gives rise for the slightly braver me to allow a greater receiving of the infinite flow, the conscious connection. Every day, as I become an invitation to open my heart and let the sprouting seed blossom, I witness the space of receiving widening from a trickle to a steady stream. Every time I receive, the powerful force of love moves through me. I see the possibility of easing in to the stream of surrender, the possibility the magnificence of receiving offers.
My deepened practice with receiving has brought me very close to my own heart, closer to spirit, and has led me to receive in new, abundant ways. I have experienced the potent force of love melt my judgments, the expansive truth of love hold my fears, and resilient supportive love dissolve my comparisons. This impressive force has given comfort in the form of strength and fortitude, and as well, through undemanding grace. It holds a willingness to meet me where I am, giving me in one moment the tangible offering of flowers and in the next the intangible mystery of the infinite. Sustained in my surrender, at ease with the natural flow, I have felt nourished in new ways.
