In October 2019, I introduced my monthly article in an email titled “Welcome to the Counterculture.” At the time I wrote: 

Modern parenting is not for the faint of heart. It can be, in equal measure, joyous and maddening, loving and confusing, satisfying and terrifying. The stakes - our children - couldn’t be higher, but the expectations placed upon us can feel outrageous. And the constant onslaught of news and information, articles, Facebook posts, Instagram feeds, and experts weighing in can make any of us crazy.

While it was pre-pandemic (and my hair was much longer!), I could have written a version of it today – parenting, especially when we are trying to raise kids with the authenticity, intentionality and values that are celebrated at Pressman, is challenging. But in reading those words from 2019, I was struck by the escalation of the intensity around parenting. I recently met a woman whose elevated anxiety rates were caused by the number of enrichment activities she needed to coordinate for her three-year-old, and the fear that her child would fall behind if she stopped any of those activities. And this isn’t just in my head or in our own perceptions; the Surgeon General’s recent advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents warns that parents are now considered an at-risk group when looking at stress and mental health concerns. In other words, it’s not just in our minds: parenting induces significant stress for many of us.

My sense, from my own experiences parenting as well as my work as a professional in schools for over 20 years, is that much of this stress is sourced in fear about our children’s futures. In the long term, we worry - even when they are 2, 3 and 4 years old - what college they will go to and what jobs they will have as adults, whether they will be able to afford to have the life we want for them. In the short term, we worry about the decisions they make and how it will impact those long-term decisions: When will they learn how to read and how might their learning path impact their elementary school academics? When they choose to play with only one or two kids in second grade, does this mean they are forever set up for social isolation? Will their math placement in 7th grade impact university admissions? 

I see how these worries, whether they are alive consciously or subconsciously, impact parenting. I am in the conversations when parents want us to soften our consequences for a poorly made choice. I watch as parents bulldoze possible disappointments out of their child’s way, and I listen as they try to convince teachers to change a grade or recommend an honors class, even when their child is not ready. And because as parents we are so very tired and stressed about these questions and worries, we want to make parenting as smooth as possible; we don’t want to argue with our children about clothing or the extra cookie or the consequence for a missed deadline.

But here is the thing: most likely you are a parent who cares about more than only reading or college admission or your child’s professional aspirations. You also care about their soul, their mental well-being, their connection to Judaism, and their ability to navigate important relationships in their life. And so this year I want to explore with you how we continue to invest in growing the kinds of humans we want to see in the world despite our fears. I am going to continue to write to you, candidly and directly, about the things that are on my mind: navigating the bumps of parenting, the importance of play, overparenting and benign neglect. I am eager to think together about both/and thinking, spirituality, and Judaism’s role in raising rooted children. The cacophony around us is growing louder, and it’s our job - together - to drown out those noises and fears. Our kids deserve it.

And, as I shared five years ago, this is a community conversation. I want to hear back from you - I’m eager to know your thoughts and wonderings, your musings and your struggles. Parenting in this community has been the greatest gift for me, and I am excited to continue to engage together in this ongoing conversation.