FOCUS: Toxic Relationships
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Most of us have experienced it… found ourselves in the same negative and toxic behaviors in our relationship… seemingly repeating themselves over and over again. These behaviors will significantly harm or destroy the dynamics of the relationship. Can you relate?
Identifying, recognizing, and owning these behaviors is crucial for changing and improving the relationship. Take a look at some typical negative and toxic behaviors that couples may find themselves in and identify some of your own repeating patters:
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Constant Criticism: Regularly pointing out flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings in a partner can erode self-esteem and create a hostile environment.
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Defensiveness: Responding to criticism or conflict with defensiveness, excuses, or counter-accusations instead of open communication and understanding.
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Stonewalling: Withdrawing from conversations or refusing to engage emotionally, effectively shutting down communication.
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Controlling Behavior: Attempting to control or dictate the other person’s actions, decisions, or interactions with others.
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Dependency and Codependency: Relying excessively on one another for emotional or financial support or an unhealthy level of emotional reliance on each other, often to the detriment of individual well-being.
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In my previous article, Relationships and Toxic Behaviors, we address how to identify, recognize and own unhealthy behaviors in our relationship which is essential for creating a healthier, happier, and more nurturing partnership.
These behaviors will significantly harm or destroy the dynamics of the relationship. Repairing toxic patterns in relationships is possible with dedication, open communication, and a willingness to change. Here are steps couples can take to repair toxic patterns:
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Recognition and Acknowledgment: Both partners need to acknowledge the existence of toxic patterns and their negative impact on the relationship. This requires honest self-reflection and an understanding of how these patterns have affected each person and the relationship as a whole.
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Open Communication: Create a safe space for open and honest communication. Discuss feelings, concerns, and how each person has been affected by the toxic patterns. Avoid blaming and instead focus on expressing emotions and needs.
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Identify Triggers and Patterns: Together, identify the specific triggers that lead to toxic behaviors and the patterns that emerge during conflicts. Recognizing these triggers can help you interrupt the cycle before it escalates.
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Take Responsibility: Each partner should take responsibility for their own contributions to the toxic patterns. This means acknowledging mistakes, apologizing for hurtful actions, and committing to personal growth and change.
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RECOMMENDED PODCASTS
Here are recommended podcasts that explore toxic patterns in relationships and provide insights, advice, and guidance on how to navigate and repair such dynamics:
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The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast
Hosted by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
This podcast covers a range of relationship topics, including toxic patterns, communication issues, and strategies for building healthier relationships.
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Relationship Alive!
Hosted by Neil Sattin
Neil Sattin interviews experts and explores various aspects of relationships, including toxic patterns, communication breakdowns, and ways to foster connection.
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Hold Me Tight:
Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Audible Audiobook
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Hold Me Tight Workbook:
A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love Audible Audiobook
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Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.
I want each person I work with to know they do have a voice, and by becoming accountable, they can change their lives for the better.
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CRT, CCDC, CACC
Life Coach & Counselor
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