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Feeling grief is common when witnessing the physical and mental deterioration of the person under your care. Grief can be felt momentarily or throughout the course of a diagnosis. What are some healthy ways for caregivers to use when coping with anticipatory grief?
Over time, caring for someone with cognitive decline or a debilitating disease leads to the experience of losing the connection to that person’s “former self.” Experiencing that loss regularly, as well as anticipating the eventual end of that life, can be anxiety provoking and painful. Added to those feelings might be the caregivers’ increasing feelings of guilt and shame for “wishing it were over” or giving up because that person is already “gone.”
That is why it’s important to recognize these feelings and accept them as normal. Anticipatory grief is a way of allowing us to emotionally prepare for the inevitable separation from that person. When we acknowledge and identify our feelings, we can more easily express a shared loss of something treasured, as well as allowing others to offer support and share in our grief. Ultimately, this might lead to deeper communication and stronger relationships with those experiencing the loss alongside you.
This is why I recommend the following strategies for managing anticipatory grief:
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Write in a journal. This serves to identify and label those feelings, thus making it easier to manage and accept what’s happening. In time, this will help you move forward.
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Practice meditation, breathing, and mindfulness exercises. By being still, turning inward and focusing on your breathing, you can let go of negative emotions. These activities allow those momentary stressors to wash over you and continue the day with a calmer and clearer mindset.
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Find and attend a support group. Support groups are safe spaces where individuals share common experiences. In this case, gatherings of caregivers talking about the challenges of caregiving provide the appropriate outlet to express feelings, share advice, and receive guidance and validation. Support groups are especially helpful for combatting feelings of isolation and loneliness common along the caregiving journey.
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Continue learning about your loved one’s condition. As you learn more about someone’s illness, you will be better prepared to handle the progression, manage challenges and be able to respond with the correct form of care.
These strategies will support you in alleviating feeling so overwhelmed, and you will be able to better manage your emotional responses.
Southern Caregiver Resource Center offers an extensive virtual library of caregiving resources to help you along your journey with anticipatory grief. I recommend starting with the following materials:
Additionally, SCRC hosts in-person and virtual support groups for caregivers at no cost. Our support groups are facilitated by professionally trained counselors and social workers. We also offer free educational presentations for caregivers focused on the technical and emotional aspects of caregiving.
Connect with SCRC to learn more about the caregiver support services we offer and how to enroll for free: click the button below to access our Caregiver Referral Form, send us an email at scrc@caregivercenter.org, or call our office at (858) 268-4432.
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