Jewish Community Center of Long Beach Island E-Letter
November 20, 2020
4 Kislev 5781
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A MESSAGE FROM THE RABBI
Parashat Toldot provides us with many lessons on Family relationships and interactions. Family dysfunction has lasting impact. This week at Friday services I will be speaking about why Isaac withheld information from Rebecca. In the interim, please read this interesting article by Rabbi Brad Bloom, of Congregation Beth Yam in South Carolina, in which he talks of the need for members of a family to keep the lines of communication open.
Shabbat Shalom - Rabbi Michael S. Jay
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Speech is Life – How to avoid estrangement inside a family | Parashat Toldot
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Parashat Toldot portrays a family in distress and a reminder about how families who do not communicate with each other will face a severing of relationships that oftentimes can never be healed. Just think about the dynamics of this week’s Torah portion. It leads us to more questions than answers, but, the narrative allows us to ask whether there was a real communication problem between Isaac and Rebecca as well as with their twin sons. Did Rebecca tell her husband Isaac about the oracle she received before the twins, Esau and Jacob, were born, where God told her that the “elder will serve the younger?” Why didn’t Rebecca share her plan to dress Jacob in Esau’s clothes, which led him to receive the Patriarchal Blessing? Why couldn’t Isaac have at least informed his wife of his intention to bring the blessing to Esau instead of Jacob? If they had talked about it, maybe they could have come up with another solution, where Jacob would still have received the blessing, but not at the price of alienating his older brother. Why did Jacob follow his mother’s advice to create this ruse in the first place as he dressed in Esau’s clothing?
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks Z”L explained in his book; “Lessons in Leadership” that Toldot is an example of poor communication and missed opportunities between family members:
“Communication matters. In the beginning God created the natural world with words: “And God said: ‘Let there be….” We create the social world with words. The Targum (Aramaic translation of the Torah) translates the phrase “And man became a living soul,”(Genesis 2:7) into “And man became a speaking soul.” “For us, speech is life. Life is relationship. And human relationships only exist because we can speak. We can tell other people our hopes, our fears, our feelings and thoughts.”
Typically, speaking is not usually the problem. The issue is what people say to one another, and whether their words are constructive or destructive. Nowadays therapists often teach us to return to silence or to the inner self. Yet, when we live in silence and when we retreat to the point of becoming isolated from those we interact with– especially if it’s a family member– then have we not abdicated something sacred inside ourselves?
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For some of us it is a struggle to communicate without either the fear of hurting others or being rejected by the person to whom we are trying to express ourselves. One wonders about all the opportunities that might have availed themselves in the Torah portion had Rebecca and Isaac communicated better and avoided the estrangement between brothers. The rabbis understood this dilemma quite well. Thus, in Pirke Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), Hillel wrote, “In a place where there is no mentsch (hishtadel l’hiyot eish) strive to be the mentsch.”: (Pirke Avot 2:6). It is common to translate this passage as either ‘strive to be a man’ or ‘to be a mentsch
The verb hishtadel means to strive. What spiritual energy churns inside a person who wants to communicate but is afraid or does not know how best to choose the right words to deal with a difficult conversation? A person knows when it is time to speak out and express one’s view, particularly when something is wrong. Yet standing up to someone and actually declaring one’s feelings out loud is a completely different matter. This aspect of the internal hishtadel process — or soulful struggle to communicate one’s heartfelt thoughts or emotions — can be the most difficult part, and often the most rewarding aspect of achieving a state of being a mentsch. We therefore need to ask the following questions: did anyone in Isaac’s family struggle with such feelings while the great drama of securing the Patriarchal blessing for Jacob was being played out? And did anyone strive to be a mentsch when Jacob tricked his brother Esau to trade away his blessing to Jacob for a pot of food?
This Parasha is a good reminder that the striving of a single soul to communicate can have a big difference in their life as well as in the lives of their family. Rabbi Sacks Z”L was right to teach that each of us is filled with a cauldron of emotions that want and need to come out. If we live in silence and never speak our truths then how can we ever be the mentsch we aspire to become?
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The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the World Union for Progressive Judaism (WUPJ).
This article appeared in the recent edition of the
World Union for Progressive Judaism newsletter.
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SATURDAY 11/21 @ 9:00 AM
Torah Study with Rabbi Jay
MONDAY 11/22 @ 10:00 AM
Chumash Class (Family Dynamics) with Rabbi Jay
TUESDAY 11/23 @ 8:00 PM
Rabbi's Class at the Jersey Shore Jewish Virtual University (see article below on Virtual University to register)
THURSDAY 11/26
NO CLASSES THIS WEEK
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HERE ARE THE LINKS FOR THE ACTIVITIES FOR THIS WEEK
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This is the last chance to order Savvy Fit Soaps for your holiday gifts.
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Last week was a very busy time for the JCC - classes every day as well as two wonderful programs sponsored by the WAX,
Sunday, we were visited via zoom by our High Holiday Hazzan, Sara Geller. She continued to amaze us with her warm smile as she shared with everyone her journey to becoming a Cantor and her plans for the future. Look for more information on upcoming visits from Hazzan Geller.
Wednesday afternoon we met the most interesting author, Maggie Anton, writer of the Rashi's Daughters trilogy. Her research on these real characters was fascinating as she described the lives of the Jewish women in the city of Troyes, France in the 11 - 12th century. We look forward to having Maggie join us again.
SEE DATES FOR NEXT BOOK GROUP
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UPCOMING SPECIAL SHABBATS
Look for information on
WOMEN'S SHABBAT MORNING SERVICE
&
TEEN SHABBAT
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Candle Lighting Time
Friday evening,
November 20, 2020
4:19 PM
(So. Ocean County NJ)
JOIN US FOR SERVICES
ON ZOOM
Friday evening
November 20, 2020
6:00 PM
Here is
your invitation from
Rabbi Jay to
Join Zoom Services
Saturday morning
November 21, 2020
Torah Study
9:00 AM
Use the link below
for Shabbat
There is no obligation to stay for services.
Saturday morning
November 21 2020
10:00 AM
Here is
your invitation from
Rabbi Jay to
Join Zoom Services
Torah Portion
Parashat Toldot
Genesis 25:19-28:9
Here is the Parshah
Haftorah
Malachi 1:1 - 2:7
Here is the Haftorah:
Aaron Lombardi will be reading Torah this week.
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HAVDALLAH
Saturday, November 21, 2020
at 7:00 PM
Here is
your invitation from
Rabbi Jay to
Join Zoom Services
Sunday - Thursday
Ma'ariv Service
7:30 PM
Here is
your invitation from
Rabbi Jay to
Join Zoom Services:
Sunday - Friday
Shacharit Service
8:15 AM
Here is
your invitation from
Rabbi Jay to
Join Zoom Services:
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We have a lot of exciting plans in the next few months
Please join us.
SPECIAL EVENTS
Sunday,December 13 at ll:00 AM
Direct from Israel
Joel Chasnoff "Jokes on Us"
8 Nites of Hannukah
12/10 -17, 2020
ONGOING PROGRAMS
Tuesday, 11/10, 17 and 24, 12/1, 8 and 15 at 8:00 PM
Rabbi's Class at the Jersey Shore Jewish Virtual University
Mondays at 10:00 AM
Chumash Class
Rabbi's deep dive into the Moses Story
IF IT'S THURSDAY, IT'S THE JCC
11:00 AM Torah Study with the Rabbi
2:00 PM Beginning Hebrew with Ira
12/3 - Thursday evening Movie Discussion after Maariv
Woody Allen's "Crimes and Misdemeanors"
See trailer below
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An eye doctor (Martin Landau) and a documentary filmmaker (Woody Allen) are married men with different moral dilemmas in Manhattan.
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SEE INFORMATION BELOW FOR DETAILS
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MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18
Our Federation is planning an evening of lighting Chanukah candles, celebrating the end of the year and new beginnings, and honoring our Community of Caring Heroes.
Among those who are being honored are two our own.
DR. MAX SCHEER
Dr. Scheer, a longtime member of the JCC, is an Infectious Disease Specialist in Woodmere, LI, NY and has over 45 years of experience in the medical field. While treating patients, Dr. Scheer became infected with the virus. Ultimately, he was forced to spend a day in the hospital. Three weeks later he was back to caring for his patients. Since then, Dr. Scheer reports he has been telecommunicating with 40-50 patients each day. Max Scheer is our synagogue’s Dr. Fauci. He has guided us these last months as we have had to make difficult decisions regarding COVID and the use of our building during the ongoing pandemic. We are truly blessed to have him as a part of our congregation.
LENORE FORSTED
In March of 2020, Lenore's husband David, a retired physician, was diagnosed with Covid-19. Lenore was diagnosed as well. However, David was subsequently admitted to the hospital where he stayed for months in critical condition. All that time, Lenore could not visit him and spent most of her days on the phone with the hospital and his doctors and nurses making sure all that could be done for David was done. Now David is home having to relearn how to walk, eat and return to a normal life. Lenore has had to keep a positive attitude through all of this. Now that he is home, she has made sure he has the therapy, equipment and help he needs to continue to make progress. It is our honor to highlight the courage of the non-professional caregivers, the family of COVID-19 patients.
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JCC WOMENS AUXILIARY: BOOK GROUP DISCUSSION
THE 3RD WEDNESDAY, AT 4:00 PM
CONTINUES....
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The second novel in a dramatic trilogy set in eleventh-century France about the lives and loves of three daughters of the great Talmud scholar
Rashi’s middle daughter, Miriam, is determined to bring new life safely into the Troyes Jewish community and becomes a midwife. As devoted as she is to her chosen path, she cannot foresee the ways in which she will be tested and how heavily she will need to rely on her faith. With Rashi's Daughters, author Maggie Anton brings the Talmud and eleventh-century France to vivid life and poignantly captures the struggles and triumphs of strong Jewish women.
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Wednesday, Jan. 20 at 4:00 PM
The dramatic final book in the epic historical trilogy about the lives and loves of the three daughters of the great Talmud scholar Rashi
Rachel is the youngest and most beautiful daughter of medieval Jewish scholar Salomon ben Isaac, or "Rashi." Her father's favorite and adored by her new husband, Eliezer, Rachel's life looks to be one of peaceful scholarship, laughter, and love. But events beyond her control will soon threaten everything she holds dear. Marauders of the First Crusade massacre nearly the entire Jewish population of Germany, and her beloved father suffers a stroke. Eliezer wants their family to move to the safety of Spain, but Rachel is determined to stay in France and help her family save the Troyes yeshiva, the only remnant of the great centers of Jewish learning in Europe.
ORDER YOUR BOOK NOW AND START READING TODAY!
Click here to purchase all 3 books in the series on Amazon. Click here to go to the Ocean County Library. A zoom link will be sent shortly before the event.
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Ocean County’s Jewish Virtual University!
As part of our efforts to connect members of the Jewish community with each other and with great Jewish opportunities, The Ocean County Jewish Federation is pleased to present this array of interesting, exciting, and meaningful learning opportunities from great Rabbis in our community, as well as some phenomenal educational resources from Israel.
Take a class, get connected, and support our Jewish community!
Here is the link for list of classes and to register.
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Rabbi Jay will be teaching a course entitled "Jewish Values in the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict". Explore different attitudes towards the conflict through a study of Jewish narratives about Israel and the unpacking of the complex meanings of peace in Jewish tradition.
6 Tuesdays starting Nov. 10 at 8 PM.
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THIS WEEK'S YAHRZEITS
The following names will be read at Friday night services.
Henry Avondoglio*
Rebecca Cohen
Dr. Milton Lowenthal
Julius Pashman
Milton Batoff
Sophie Brasch*
Lydia Davis
Dr. Seymour Cohen
Dorothy Labran
Ida Liebowitz
Vera Beebe
Harry Entin
Max Silver*
Harry Berkowitz*
Helen Berman
Leon B. Entin
Stuart Gussin
Stanley S. Levy
Abram Piwosky
Lilyan Strassman*
Milton Levine
Louis Young
Donald Cohen
Dr. Joseph Evans
Rae Friedenberg
Rochelle Naftoly
Mortimer Nelson*
Cheryl Newman
Miriam Rebo
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In this Zoom era, we have been able to have a daily minyan at 8:15 AM and at 7:30 PM and on Shabbat. We encourage you to join us on the day of your loved one’s yahrzeit. In the morning, the service is about ½ hour beginning at 8:15 and in the evening at 7:30 until about 7:45. Rabbi will be glad to say the traditional El Malei Rachamim prayer for you, which is recited during the funeral, going up to the grave of the departed, Yizkor remembrance day and other occasions on which the memory of the dead is recalled. You are also welcome to share with the minyan some special memories of your loved one.
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Rima K. Rosenstein
November 22
Renee Van Naarden
November 23
Art Schreer
November 24
Donald Silverman
November 24
Dale Morgenstern
November 25
Judy Nelson
November 25
Howard Cohen
November 26
Michelle Ehrich
November 26
Robert Finkel
November 26
Adam Meyers
November 26
Eleanore Elefant
November 27
Sara Jane Harris
November 27
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CONGREGATION NEWS
MAZEL TOV TO
SHEILA & HARRIS WEISEL
on the bar mitzvah
of their grandson
Eric Reilly
on November 26th
SHARE YOUR NEWS
AND PICTURES
CARING COMMITTEE
This committee acts as a support system for congregation members facing illness and other personal situations that need to be addressed.
Please contact Chairperson,
Debby Schweighardt
if you are in need of assistance or if you know of a JCC member
that needs our help.
973-634-5349
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We are pleased to report the wonderful response to the High Holiday Appeal 5781. Members and friends have already generously donated $60,000 to the Appeal. It is a reaffirmation of the work we have done during this pandemic to keep our congregation vital and current. If you have not made your appeal contribution yet, it is not too late. Make it a Thanksgiving gift.
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GIVING OPPORTUNITIES
PAVERS
Inscribe a paver at the front entrance to the building
8" X 4", 8" X 8" and 12" X 12"
SEE UPDATED ORDER FORM:
Become a permanent part of the JCC landscape.
Purchase a personalized paving stone
in honor of your family or in memory of a loved one.
Please contact Diane Hoffman
with your order or with any questions:
PRAYER BOOKS
There are still High Holiday Prayer Books and Chumashim available to be purchased in memory or honor of someone or something. The cost of a Prayer Book is $72 each and $120 for an Eitz Hayim Chumash. The donation includes an affirmation sticker in the book and an acknowledgement letter or letters.
TRIBUTES
SEND ONE OF OUR TRIBUTES IN HONOR OR IN MEMORY OF
TREE OF LIFE
Add a leaf (leaves) to our beautiful Tree of Life located in the Social Hall. See the order form here: TREE OF LIFE
Bronze Leaf $90
Silver Leaf $126
Gold :Leaf $180
ENDOWMENT FUND
Join Herb and Selma Shapiro z"l to help assure the continuity of our JCC, and our ability to continue providing a full- congregation to serve the Jewish people of the area. Judith z"l & Donald Pripstein have joined the Shapiros with a $50,000 donation and have established The Pripstein Family Endowment Fund.
A donation of at least $50,000 to the endowment fund will allow the donor to name one of the funds as the donor wishes. All such name funds will be joined together to be part of the endowment fund portfolio.
All members are encouraged to help this important effort by contributing to this fund whether as a specific named fund, or as a general donation. Your gift to the fund can be sent to the JCC Office. Please mark your check accordingly.
YAHRZEIT PLAQUES
Space is available for memorial plaques on the yahrzeit boards in the Sanctuary.
Here is the order form:
KOL HAKAVOD
Please consider being a part of this campaign to supplement the clergy needs of our congregation. This is a separate, voluntary commitment and is additional to our low annual dues obligation. HERE IS THE LINK TO BRING UP THE DONATION FORM KOL HAKAVOD
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JCC FUNDS
Your gift to the JCC support our Clergy, our Congregation and the Community.
ENDOWMENT FUND
This fund was established to assure the continuity of our JCC, and our ability to continue providing a full-service congregation to serve the Jewish people of the area. While a donation of any amount is encouraged, a donation of at least $50,000 allows the donor to name a special or specific Endowment Fund in memory or honor of a specific person event, or family.
GENERAL FUND
Donations to this fund are not earmarked but placed in the general administrative account. Donations to this fund can be in honor or memory of a person, event, or family.
KOL HAKAVOD FUND
Donations to this campaign supplement the clergy needs of our congregation.
RABBI’S DISCRETIONARY FUND
This fund, managed by the rabbi, allows donors to enable the rabbi to do the work of tzedakah in response to the needs of individuals, organizations and the community.
ZENA & JERRY JAY KIDDISH FUND
The Zena and Jerry Jay Kiddush Fund was established in memory of Rabbi Jay's parents to help provide funds for our Saturday morning kiddushes.
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PLEASE LET THE OFFICE KNOW YOUR "WINTER" MAILING ADDRESS.
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THE JCC OF LBI IS LOCATED AT
2411 Long Beach Boulevard (24th Street)
Spray Beach, NJ 08008
Telephone: 609-492-4090 FAX: 609-492-7550
THE OFFICE IS TEMPORARILY CLOSED.
PLEASE USE THE PHONE OR EMAIL WITH REQUESTS.
OUR OFFICE STAFF WILL BE CHECKING IN REGULARLY.
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Staff:
Leslie Dinkfelt, Office Manager
Mary Beth Krieger, Staff Member
Tony DeGregorio, Custodial Staff
Kitchen Manager: Susan Berube
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LATEST
BULLETIN:
PRAYER BOOK:
WEB SITE:
PAVERS:
TREE OF LIFE
YAHRZEIT PLAQUE FORM:
KOL HAKAVOD DONATION FORM
KOL HAKAVOD
TRIBUTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Rabbi Michael S. Jay
Michael Babst, President
E-mail Editor: Rose Valentine
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