Yep, I've seen a few things in the church world. Some of them have been mega-inspiring, life-changing, enriching, and transformational. Others have been grevious, confusing, sad, dysfunctional, and even downright ugly.

After navigating my own church experiences over a lifetime, and helping others do the same, I remain a "church guy" who believes being a part of a healthy Christian community is an essential component of true spiritual progress.

However, I can report that there are few things more disheartening and infuriating than to come across spiritual demagoguery, manipulation, and the mixed messages sent by religious bullies who abuse spiritual authority and the sacred call to Christian leadership. 

A Scale of 1 to 10

In order to help with the discussion that follows I am going to propose a scale of  religious abuse ranging from "1" to "10". 

On the low end of the scale are those environments and relationships that are somewhat "unhealthy" but, nevertheless, have some checks and balances and at least maintain core doctrinal orthodoxy. The possibility of correction and reform would exist at this lower end of the scale.

As we move higher up the scale we would be thinking more about faith communities or groups that come to display the classic benchmarks of an extremist religious cult. Therefore, a "10" would represent an isolated, destructive, and religiously abusive cult group. 

There is a lot of room between the lowest and highest ends of the scale. This mean the potential for abuse can be present in environments or relationships that may not, at first, be plain to see. In other words, you don't have to be in a full-on cult group to get beaten up by religious bullies.

Classic Characteristics of Religious Bullying

In order to illustrate the difference between the proper and edifying manifestation of spiritual authority and religious abuse or bullying, let's look at several issues in contrast. 

1. An individual, or couple, who take on the role of an authoritarian prophet (or prophets) versus a Shepherd (or Shepherds) who "lay down their lives" for the flock. 

It's fair to say all spiritual authorities and religious leaders seek to hear from the Lord in one way or another and to lead from a place of spiritual timeliness and clarity. 

However, it is unhealthy, and potentially even abusive and bullying, for a spiritual leader or leaders to hold authority in a militant, aggressive, or unquestionable manner. 

" Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, watching over them-not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve;   not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples  to the flock". 

(I Peter 5: 2-3)

2. "Love Bombing" versus Sincere Expressions of Christian Love  

Love Bombing is the practice of attracting new members by pouring on affirmations of love, affection, unconditional acceptance, and belonging as a way to lower the defenses of the vulnerable. It is, if you will, a form of "grooming" in order to take advantage. 

Time will tell whether the abundant love messages that are central to the good news of the Gospel are merely a "come on" or the Real Thing in a given Christian community. 

In a religiously abusive environment what appears to be sincere love (at first) turns into practices that amount to spanking the sheep. "Spiritual discipline" is delivered in a shaming, exposing, and humiliating manner "for your own good" by authorities who seem to be exempt from accountability themselves.  

God's call to us as His people is to grow in love and in the wisdom love gives us to inspire each other to a higher and better place in the Lord: 

 

3. Black and White / Us Against Them Thinking versus Incarnational Connection With Those Who Need the Lord

Religiously abusive environments and relationships create an insulated and isolated Echo Chamber where the authoritarian dictates of key leaders fuel an increasing disconnection from those outside the group or outside The Faith.

Those who challenge this or insist on maintaining close ties to "outsiders" are shamed, punished, and accused of spiritual lukewarmness.

By contrast, Jesus - "the Friend of Sinners" - prayed that His disciples would engage the world after His example. Through relationship, teaching, and service the followers of Jesus are called to illustrate the love of God in everyday ways and places. 

Make them holy - consecrated-with the truth; Y our word is consecrating truth. 

In the same way that You gave me a mission in the world,  I give them a mission in the world". (John 17: 15-18 MSG)

4. Tests of Obedience versus Respect for Constituted Spiritual Authority. 

The community life of a religiously abusive group thrives on tests of obedience to prove allegience to the group prophet(s), authorities, or pet doctrines. Over time, these tests become more severe and demanding in order that the "sheep" may be separated from the "goats". 

Boundaries of decency, dignity, loyalty, sexual morality, identity, and possessions are pushed in order to "prove" love for God, leaders, or the church. Status is awarded to those who demonstrate extraordinary loyalty even if doing so is self-destructive or involves the infliction of judgements on others.

By contrast a healthy religious environment celebrates spiritual authorities who have proven themselves worthy of such honor. These are men and women who lead and influence through their example, their love and wisdom, and their commitment to live according to God's Word. 

" Remember your leaders who have taught you the Word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and try to trust the Lord as they do. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  So do not be attracted by strange, new ideas". 

(Hebrews 13: 7-9 TLB)

5. Apocolyptic Urgency versus a Doomsday Mentality. 

A healthy sense of apocolyptic urgency fires up zeal, deepens devotion, and encourages well-ordered values and perspectives. From the days of the New Testament until now believers have been encouraged to live their lives in holy expectation of the Lord's return and the end of the Age.

Religious bullies and false prophets tweak this into a Doomsday Mentality that pushes people to abandon marriages, callings, careers, relationships, and a sense of proportion in order to get ready for The End. 

In extreme situations, religious abusers and false prophets set dates for the end of the world or some sort of major judgement upon the land. They may even gather disciples into a self-contained compound or other isolated environment in order to wait things out together.

They then go about harvesting the urgency and panic they have fomented for their own sake and that of the organization or group they lead. Doubters are mocked, ostracized, punished, or banished. 

Contrast this spiritual panic to the measured wisdom Paul reflects in these exhortations from Philippians:

"  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!    Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.   

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". (Philippians 4: 4-7) 

 

6. Group Think versus Recognition of the Individual

There are those who find a tremendous amount of relief and release in surrendering their individuality in order to blend with a group. Enmeshment and blending in helps them to know where they fit, what is expected of them, and how to be promoted.

This is a ripe environment for religious narcissists and manipulators.

Some require members to take on a new name. Others enforce conformity in matters of dress. Others add new scripture or unorthodox interpretations of existing scripture as a means of identifying and affirming the "true believers". All of this dismantles a person's individual identity and reframes the meaning of their life to be defined by group values alone. 

By contrast, God has called us together as unique members who make up one body, together. Each of us are singularly gifted to bear witness to the genius of our Creator, Master Craftsman, and Redeemer as we express His genius in unique ways.  

Unity (as opposed to uniformity) in our confession of faith, our sense of mission, and our commitment to God's Kingom creates a culture in which we come together as a symphony of worship, personality, culture, thought, and life expression to glorify the Lord. 

" Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body - whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many".

(I Corinthians 12:12 -14)