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The same dream, really a light nightmare, about getting ready to preach a sermon but never having the time or the materials needed to prepare, continues to haunt me. Something always gets in the way: I can’t find my computer to type it up, I forget to look at the clock and don’t even have enough “last minute” time to get it done, or I wrote it out but then lost it. Even when I wake up and realize it’s a bad dream, when I go back to sleep, I’m back in it with another chapter.
Whatever my subconscious is telling me, I take it to mean that I (we) never have enough time to say what we really want to say to those we love. I’ve often experienced this while sitting at the side of those who are near death. Many confess wishing they had more time to say to loved ones what they really felt: How much they loved them; How sorry they are for those times they acted like a jerk; How much they wish they had been less judgmental and more present with loved ones when fully alive and well.
Still, some things, maybe many things, are too deeply personal and intimate to express while present with those we love. We need always try and should always strive, in the right circumstances, to do our best with the limited emotional and linguistic tools we have to work with. But in the end, the things that truly matter, like love, joy, truth, forgiveness, and gratitude, are best just lived out.
As I come to the end of my time with you (June 30), wanting to express my love, joy, and gratitude for your willingness to accept Anita and me into your lovely and good church; please understand that try as I may, I can’t find the right words. Even if I could, like my nightmare, I wouldn’t be able to get them in order. So, we’ll have to live it out, in and through the loving, connecting, Holy Spirit of God in Jesus Christ, for the next four Sundays… and even longer as Anita and I hope to stay connected in worship with you from time to time.
Gratefully,
Steve
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