Does anyone else hear, often, from your partners, children or others that you are a work-a-holic? When your work is helping clients work through dicey personal life problems, work-life balance can feel like a pipe dream. How many of you have heard "you are never here or even when you are here, you are really at work."

 

So often we say we are committed to, for example, having work-life balance. But when you are radically honest about what we are doing, we are actually committed to being stressed and constantly feeling distracted.

 

How do you move beyond that hurried, frustrating state? Here are some things I've discovered in a little reading on this topic, from "experts": In life when email, telephones and other client related matters are the third wheel in every relationship you have, it is understandable that you aren't bringing your best self to the table after a long day of putting out fires at work. Not every night will be an opportunity to connect, unwind or spend time with those people who are important to you. Instead of beating yourself up over it, work on getting the most out of the quality of time you do manage to squeeze in.

 

The goal should be to protect your energy more than your time. If you're someone who's incredibly focused on your career and doesn't consider work "work," try to help others in your life see the benefits in your enthusiasm.

 

Look at it this way: Your work life and personal life are reciprocal, not two competing areas of your life, according to Naz Beheshti, an executive wellness coach and consultant who got her start as a personal and executive assistant to Steve Jobs.

 

As one who is guilty of being a work-a-holic and also loving what I do, I can say with certainty that this repeated struggle of trying to strike a healthy work-life balance is an everyday challenge, harder than any fact pattern or trial prep session. Trying to make sure that I spend enough time with my family and friends and pay attention to other matters in my life, not even addressing or including my office, staff and clients here, is at times an insurmountable challenge. My work, undoubtedly, consumes me. When I am not stressing about a hearing or court order received or waiting to receive, I am instead contemplating actions I need to take in other cases and emails and telephone calls I need to attend to. This is all while I am also trying to tend to my children's school work, tests, projects, games and practices, not including their social lives, birthday parties or sleep overs. I've said it before, but the struggle of this juggle is real.

 

When we love what we do, that joy and fulfillment ripples through our relationships and can result in positive outcomes. For people like this, asking them to scale back is like asking a kid to scale back on their play time rather than accepting and allowing them to do what they love most.

 

You don't want to have someone dull your shine when it comes to work, but it's not asking too much to put your phone away every now and then. Commit to spending a certain amount of minutes, hours or days with no electronic distractions. Don't panic, start small, like an hour after you get home, but before the kids go to bed or time enough to eat dinner without the distraction.

 

I practice setting aside time, reminders and calendar events to ensure I manage my time, prioritize items on the never-ending to-do list and carve out time to be with those who matter, outside of work.  

When frustrations over work and home life start to get the best of me, I have been working on trying to learn ways to respond to frustrations in a non-triggered, nonreactive way. It requires thoughtful, mindfulness of our own interactions and reactions. This goes for all people in your life. Instead of losing it on my kids over something silly, I try to stop, breathe and react to the situation, appropriately.

 

Scheduling some time when you are work-obsessed to ensure those others in your life understand their importance to you, is key. Instead of ending up being constantly reminded that you should scale back, which likely only ignites fury, planning and carving out that time helps you create a better work-life balance and this term now becomes a verb instead of being a noun. You have to actually do the "life" part to make work-life balance a reality instead of a wish list item.  

When I am told or reminded that I work too much or let my work consume me, I used to get frustrated, defensive and annoyed. Now, I try not to immediately respond negatively. Instead, it is less stressful, and healthier to request to take a day off or leave early on occasion for something or someone. It seems logical, like we explain to children, caregivers and teachers, positive reinforcement or interactions go a whole lot farther than negative.

 

Have you ever tried to approach your personal or other types of relationships with as much vigor as you would a work situation or problem? Try organizing your life weekly or even monthly to allow yourself to organize, consider conflicts, set expectations and arrange your priorities. At the end of the day, fine-tuning your life (and schedule) will benefit you, your family, friends, and your clients and likely lead to more productivity all around.

 

As I inch into my 40th year, with my birthday literally just this past weekend, I am reminded to cherish people who are important, take time for myself and be present. Life is short and sometimes the days, weeks and even months feel like forever, but overall life goes by so quickly. Real friends, true relationships and making priorities that deserve that status, in your life, are truly the most important.

Happy March and here's to work-life balance being a verb rather than a noun,