There are things that we need. And there are things that we want.

For example, we need clothes. Bad things can happen if we go out in public naked. We don’t, however, need expensive designer clothing. It’s the clothes that cover us, not the label. I think it’s important to separate what we need from what we want so that we can make better decisions.

However, in watching friends combine households to move in together, I’ve realized that sometimes what we want can reflect a need that isn’t obvious. For example, wanting to keep a particular piece of furniture might not be a need to have that furniture from a functional standpoint but rather a need to feel connected to the past if it was something that belonged to a parent or a grandparent. Wanting a particular room arrangement might not be about the arrangement itself, but about feeling that our opinions count and/or that it is truly our home, too.

Going back to the clothes example, if you really want designer clothes, is that a reflection of a hidden need? Is it about more than just clothes?

If we think about the real reason we want something, that can help us understand ourselves better. If we think about the real reason others want something, we can understand them better.

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