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Self-esteem is the soul fuel that keeps us feeling strong, in alignment with our values and protected again the slings and 'allos from passing wolves.
Self-esteem is like the ISA of your psyche and needs investment. It requires regular topping up and understanding that you don't have to play small to make others feel big.
If you want to find out if your self-regard needs an upgrade to First Class, with slipper socks and a choc on the pillow, see if any of these gives you that inner “ding” of recognition.
- Things you may say - “Everyone”, “Never”, Always”, “I'm fine”. “I should” “I will try”, “I’m just a …” , “I’m easy”, “Whatever you want”, “I don’t know”.
- You might feel guilt for your everyday actions, taking up space or apologising for things you are not responsible for.
- You have difficulty making your own choices about your own life.
- You are used to “settling”, tolerating and putting up with crumbs from the table when you deserve more love, respect and money.
- Lack of boundaries with others – getting used to feeling put down, invisible, unheard or ignored.
- Your feelings feel like fluff to be brushed off.
- Making it your responsibility to make other people happy - it's not!
- Using pity or loving out of pity as a way of forgiving or minimising other people's bad behaviour.
- Making excuses for others – they are a victim, they've had a hard time, they didn't mean it, they were the first born/only child, they've got freckles.
- People Pleasing doesn't mean being mean or not caring – it means valuing other people's needs and perceptions of you over your needs, wants and what feels right for you.
- Feeling you will get the love and respect you deserve when you lose weight get richer, achieve more, have surgery.
Your Self-Esteem Playbook – how to big ticket your worth
- Be responsibly selfish – don't rush to put other people's needs first.
- Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and fun check in with yourself “do I want to do this?” - keep your well- being tank full.
- Write a list of what you need to keep morale high and feeling good. I.e. good night’s sleep, looking good, smell nice, “happy music” playlist, a chat with a good friend etc
- Ask yourself “am I saying “yes” because I want to or am I seeking approval?”
- Keep a Big Me Up book – write out 50-100 really good things about yourself.
- Don't compare yourself to others “insta” lifestyles – it's a one-way ticket to self-excoriation.
- Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good, who don't blame and complain and who truly appreciate you.
- Find your own bliss and don't let other people judge it. Go your own weird.
- We become the average of the people we hang with. You may like to see how your community influences your self-esteem with my Relationship Tree exercise. If you’d like to do it email me and put Relationship Tree in the subject box and I will send you this great coaching tool.
- And remember in a society that profits from your self-doubt loving yourself is an act of pure rebellion. The world loves rebels!
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