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Codependence Part 2

          September, 2018

Quote of the month  

" Between stimulus and response 
there is a space. 
In that space is 
our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

by Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist

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Masters Degree - Applied Psychology from Seton Hall University


Post-Masters Degree-Marriage and Family Therapy from Seton Hall University


Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist


Private Practice 

since 2008


Married 29 years


Mother of 2 young adult daughters 


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Last month's newsletter referenced some highlights from a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. If you did not read last month's newsletter, please visit www.dabalmft.com and click on View Newsletters and it will come up as August, 2018 Newsletter Codependence Part 1. 

The below information is a continuation of last month's topic. The book's message is clear and concise. This challenge of being codependent and what to do about it is becoming a necessary part of many counseling sessions these days. I wanted to now share part 2 of some of the messages written in the book. If you think this may apply to you or someone you know, please visit my website, www.dabalmft.com and click on the Recommended Books page to find a link to Amazon to purchase the book and/or seek help.

Please pass along to family and friends who may be interested in the monthly content of this newsletter. Creating a web of knowledge helps those in need.
Maryellen Dabal, MA, LMFT
305 Miron Drive 
Southlake, TX 76092
Missed previous newsletters??
Go to www.dabalmft.com.  Click on the newsletters link at the bottom of the home page. Enjoy.....
From The Positive Perspective......    

Here are a few more excerpts from the book:
Page 70, "If somebody who is important (or even someone unimportant) to you rejects you or your choices, you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected."

Page 80-81, "People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling): they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change........We cannot change people.........The only person you can now or ever change is yourself."

Page 124-125, "We need to be good to ourselves. We need to be compassionate and kind to ourselves. How can we expect to take care of ourselves appropriately if we hate or dislike ourselves?...... We need to value ourselves and make decisions and choices that enhance our self-esteem."

Page 230 "Earlier, I referenced change begins with awareness and acceptance. The third step in changing human behavior is assertive action. For us that means doing things differently. Get honest, keep an open mind and become willing to try to do things differently, and we will change."

Keep in mind that this book is mostly talking about other adult relationships we have.  Dealing with minors is very different.  We do need to guide our children and be their protector until they are of adult age and can make their own decisions.  

The latter messages in this book tell us that it is OK to be who we are and take responsibility for who we are. The messages also tell us to allow others to be who they are going to be as well. If that means we need to distance ourselves from certain individuals because they are not being kind to us or are being manipulative, we cannot change them, we can only change our responses to them. To paraphrase the Austrian psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, "We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we do have the power to control how we respond to what happens to us."

Self-care is very different from being selfish. When we care about others as well as ourselves, we are using self-care. When we only care about others, we can have the tendency to be codependent. When we only care about ourselves, we are leaning towards being selfish. Which one are you? We need to love ourselves but not to the extent that we forget about others.

We are a sibling, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker to many people in this world. We can influence these relationships by asking for what we need and by caring for others. This book is not saying to not care about others, but it is saying to be careful when we may fall into the trap of manipulation by others. Not everyone out there is a good person, sorry to say that but it is true. Many people prey on someone who has codependent tendencies. Be careful that you are not one of those people.

This concludes my excerpts from the above-mentioned book. I hope the last two newsletters have inspired you to evaluate your relationship with other adults and encouraged you to balance your care and concern for others with a genuine care and concern for yourself as well.
It is an honor to share information with you. I thank you for taking me on this journey of growth with you and   for your continued loyalty and support of this newsletter.
Until next time.....look at life and your inspirations 
From The Positive Perspective.

Stay well.
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I welcome feedback regarding the newsletter or questions about my practice.  I can be reached at maryellen@dabalmft.com .  I cannot, however, give advice through email. For more information on my practice please visit my website: www.dabalmft.com

I wish you well...