It's Shameful to Receive
"Shame is the painful sense of being flawed or defective. There's the conviction that if someone sees our flaws or limitations, whether real or imagined, we'll be ruthlessly judged." Believe it or not, it takes courage to ask for help and to receive assistance. Strength in ourselves is needed to be able to say that we cannot do everything alone. We need each other to be successful.
"Some deep part of us longs for connection, yet when we're presented with an opportunity to connect, we're often not available to it." Asking for help creates a connection that feeds our need to interact with others. It feels good to give, so by our reaching out for help, we allow others to feel good by helping us.
A Desire to be in Control
"Life flows better when we learn the art of love and caring in the simplest forms." We absolutely need to develop self-care habits so that we do not become too dependent on others, but we can become lonely if we do not reach out to others for anything. Finding that balance between reaching out and being self-sufficient is a challenge for everyone.
An Obligation to Give Back
"We might be reticent to allow ourselves to receive because we're afraid it will obligate us to give something in return." Do you feel annoyed when someone sends you a card or a gift? Do you feel you have to return the favor? What if we just allowed ourselves to freely decide when to give? Yes, if someone is always being the one giving, then we want to be sure to show thankfulness in some way. If we just stopped keeping score and decided to give when we truly feel it is the right thing to do, then in the end, things will balance out. Good friends don't keep score. They give when they can and graciously accept help when it is needed.
We Don't Want to be Selfish
"Many of us grew up with the belief that it's nobler to give than to receive." "When our random acts of kindness are well received - that is, if a person can accept the gifts - then the exchange becomes more meaningful for everyone." If we can graciously accept gifts and then also give those gifts, both individuals can feel a sense of relationship and connection, and isn't that a big part of life...satisfying connections with others?
I hope this information helps you to feel better if you are receiving help during this time in life. Accepting this help graciously is a gift to both you and the individuals giving. We are all in this together and if we use our talents and resources to help ourselves and others, we can all benefit in the end.
One quick story that I was told about my grandfather regarding giving of your talents. He was an accountant. During the depression he would help people with their taxes or other financial matters, just because that's the way he was. As far as payment was concerned, most times people had very little to give, but he did receive some interesting forms of payment such as chickens, food of some kind or car repairs. He just had that giving nature and wanted to help people. There was no keeping score or even keeping a balance of what people owed. Could he have used that situation to increase his financial position, absolutely, but he chose to just give what he had in the hopes that when and if he ever needed someone else's help, they would be as kind.