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September 2012 Newsletter (The Conflict Issue)
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Greetings!
Over the course of my 20-year history developing leaders, working to build strong teams, and creating optimal work environments, I've learned many simple, practical and cost effective ways to help individuals, teams and organizations thrive. The purpose of this newsletter is to provide a forum where I can share some of the practical tools that can shift your culture forward.
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Testimonial
Conflict Workshop and Mediation
"Our relationship has taken an important turn. I speak on behalf of the Latamel team in saying that we feel comfortable about the communications we have had since the offsite Gary facilitated and have seen a difference in the way we interact with each other."
Bernard Joseph, VP,
Latamel,
Panama City, Panama
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| Taking the War Out of Our Words
Reading Recommendation
Since learning about Sharon Ellison's Powerful, Non-Defensive Communication method described in this book, I've used several of the tools and approaches in my interactions with family members, colleagues, and complete strangers. If you're interested in becoming more influential in your organization and dealing with friction and disagreement more effectively, this is a book to add to your fall reading list.
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Successfully Broaching Sensitive Topics
Quick Tip
This tip comes from another great book on creating conflict-free dialogue at work and at home: Crucial Conversations.
Here's the formula for broaching those sensitive topics:
State the facts confidently
"In this morning's meeting I heard you say..."
Tentatively share your interpretation
"It made me wonder if maybe you felt..."
Invite the other person to poke holes in your interpretation
"Is that what you meant or am I way off base?"
I've used this method in the workplace multiple times with success. It's an effective method for broaching a sensitive topic without inspiring defensiveness. The trick is separating the facts of the situation--what a video camera would have recorded--from the spin you put on those facts in your head. Be confident with the former and tentative with the latter.
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Resolving Conflicts in Your Organization
Solutions
My practice has been focused on developing leaders and helping individuals, teams, and organizations eliminate workplace friction and conflicts that decrease productivity. To bring a workshop that will teach the practical tools mentioned in this newsletter and many, many more, contact me at [email protected]. |
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Don't Limit Your Choices
Quick Tip
Limiting our options to two suboptimal choices is a fairly common psychological game we play with ourselves to avoid resolving conflict. Here's an example of what I mean:
"I can be brutally honest, or I can be kind and withhold the feedback."
We limit our choices because if we have only two bad choices, we have an excuse for doing nothing or making matters worse.
When you catch yourself limiting your choices, ask yourself a "How" question:
"How can I be honest in such a way that my colleague can hear it without being hurt and know that my intent is positive?"
It may take us a while to find the answer, but when we do, we'll have a much better plan, and we'll more likely try to resolve the conflict. for getting the issue on the table.
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The Voices in Our Heads
Quick Tip
Lauren Zander is an excellent speaker who talks about getting what you want out of life. In a Ted Talk you can watch on YouTube, she talks about three voices in our heads that keep us from going after what we want. These are the same three voices that keep us from trying to resolve conflicts with others:
The Chicken
"If I say something, something terrible will happen."
The Brat
"I shouldn't have to tell her that!"
"He should know better!"
"I don't want to!"
The Weather Reporter (Weather Reporters talk about things outside their control)
"I'm just bad at that kind of conversation."
"She's just so defensive."
If there's a conflict that you're hoping to resolve, listen for these three voices. They are designed to keep you from taking positive action to resolve the issue. Take what they say with a grain of salt. They are trying to let you off the hook if you don't address the important issues in your work and home life.
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For more articles and information about offerings visit www.GLFordConsulting.com. I hope the information in this newsletter sparked an idea or action that will make your work environment more productive and more nourishing. Feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone in your network who you think might benefit from the content. Please forward this newsletter to anyone in your organization who makes decisions about engaging external facilitators, soft skills trainers, and HR consultants. Thank you! Warm regards,
Gary Ford
GLFord Consulting |
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