Greetings! 

When a couple comes to me for help and guidance because one partner has been unfaithful, it is usually uncomfortable for both parties, but for very different reasons.  The unfaithful partner needs support in knowing that I will not judge what has occurred but will seek to understand what led up to the affair.  The faithful partner is usually looking for support from me for trying to make this work.  I have had great success in helping my couples realize how hard it was to seek counseling and support them as they take a step in the right direction to see if there is a chance that their relationship may come out stronger.  Especially if there are children involved, it is of the greatest importance that the couple receive guidance in dealing with the questions that may arise as well as helping to keep consistency in the children's lives.

I teach my couples to have patience with the process, with themselves and with their partners.  Long term change takes time.  Understanding what to change takes the ability to be able to verbalize what you are feeling.  It takes an awareness of yourself to be able to explain your feelings, and that skill can take some time to develop properly. I work collaboratively with my clients to help them sort out where the relationship went off course and to assist in the creation of a new direction together, if that is their choice.  Not all couples decide to stay together, which is to be expected, but I do work with each partner to be sure they take care of their own basic needs like nutrition, sleep, and stress relief throughout the entire process, regardless of the decided outcome.

I encourage couples to seek counseling before someone decides to go outside of the marriage or relationship, as there is a lot less to repair in the long run, but if that is not the case, know that I will treat you with respect and understanding and help you work through the many confusing thoughts that may enter your mind.

So if you know someone who might be struggling with this issue, please encourage them to seek professional guidance in some way.  You could be saving a marriage.  You could be helping children to keep their family together.

Stay well......