While the "issues" people hold onto and the reasons they do so may vary according to their race, religion, family values, work environment, socioeconomic status, or nationality, the process of "letting go" is universal and more human nature than cultural. Letting go or getting "unstuck" is the biggest challenge people face who want change. Their inability to do so leaves them feeling paralyzed and helpless - often feeling victimized. When you invite in vulnerability and release expectations you can realize peace and fulfillment. If you hold onto anger, hurt, disappointment and contempt you won't uncover peace. But how do you "let go?"
Seven Secrets to "Let Go" and Be Happy
1. Sit of your ego. Say nothing. Listen only. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can.) Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most.)
2. Let go of faulty assumptions. Success, love, fulfillment, and peace are not only defined in one way. Others need not agree with your definition of these. If these are defined in your head by what you think the standards are as set by others you will feel an insatiable gluttony in trying to meet them.
3. Put down the hoops. Holding up hoops for yourself or others to jump through in order to feel worthy, loved, and successful is exhausting. You will never be satisfied.
4. Stay in Your Own Head. Don't take on the perception of others. You can only deliver information, presentations, outcomes etc. from your own perspective - from what you are thinking - not from what others are thinking. If your fear is public speaking, build your confidence by erasing the head trash vision of a poor performance and replace it with the feeling of having performed well. Fear is felt because you saw yourself from another person's eyes underperforming. Get outside of their head and back into your own head. Concentrate on being behind your own eyes and feeling the adrenaline rush from having done well. Envision yourself at the end of the journey having succeeded.
5. Be curious and assume the best. When it comes to yourself, ask yourself who you are trying to please. The standard should be set by your own value system. If someone lets you down, drop the expectation and listen for the specific fear that is precipitating their behavior. What is their value system? How has it been threatened?
6. Recognize the consequences of not changing your perspective. What has being a perfectionist cost you? What relationships have been compromised from your expectations? Can you afford to keep doing it the same way?
7. Create a "Motivation Declaration." In the crucial moments when you tend to revert to bad habits you will rely on your Motivation Declaration to keep you on track. Write this statement from the perspective of why you never want to be in the place described in #6. Keep this statement on a small card in your desk, purse, mirror or kitchen so that you can draw on it whenever you feel you are reverting to bad habits. Start now!
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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com - Transforming People and Organizations with Goals-to-Results. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee coaches executives and organizations with a Goals-Accountability-Results system. Read testimonials from her clients. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she rose to the level of CEO to support her family. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Executive Coaching / Healthcare / Public Relations / Meeting Facilitation / Leadership / Productivity / Life/Career Transition. Her book "Starting Over - 25 Rules for When You've Bottomed Out" is available in bookstores and from online booksellers.
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