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Pirkei Avos Ch. 4- True Honor
It is customary to study a chapter from the Tractate Avos, or Pirkei Avos, in the weeks in between Pesach and Shavuos. This week we learn Chapter 4. Pirkei Avos are filled with the ethical teachings and wisdom of the great sages of the Mishnah.
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be focusing on a chinuch (parenting/educational) lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah.
Background
In the first Mishna of this week’s perek (chapter), Ben Zoma (Shimon ben Zoma- was a contemporary of the great Rebbi Akiva, he lived in Eretz Yisroel in the era immediately following the destruction of the 2nd Beis Hamikdash. He was referred to as Ben Zoma due to his dying at a young age and childless) teaches us the following 4 lessons and insights into life:
- Who is wise? One who learns from all people.
- Who is strong? One who conquers his evil inclination.
- Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot.
- Who is honored? One who honors others.
Question
What is Ben Zoma teaching us? He seems to be taking terms and words that people use to describe one type of person and then merely redefining them to mean something else!
It may be true that it is a good thing to learn from all people and to conquer one’s inclination and to be happy with one’s lot and to honor others. But how can Ben Zoma say that if one learns from all people HE is wise? Someone who has wisdom is wise, whether he learns from all people or not!
Similarly, someone who is strong is strong. Someone who is not strong is not strong. Someone who conquers their evil inclination may be impressive and worthy of praise, but how can Ben Zoma call this person strong? He is seemingly merely re-assigning a term used by everyone to connote real strength onto this other, albeit praiseworthy, characterization! Ditto for one who is happy with their lot. This is very obviously and clearly a praiseworthy character trait, but that is not what anyone would call someone who is wealthy! Someone who has a lot of money is someone who is wealthy!
And, perhaps the most puzzling of them all, is the final one. Who is honored? One who honors others. How does this make sense? The person who honors others is a source of honor for others- not honored themselves! And while, again, this may be a nice thing to do, this does not mean that this person is honored!
What is Ben Zoma doing here in this Mishna other than using words and terms we use to refer to one thing and re-assigning them in order to encourage other more favorable character traits that Ben Zoma would recommend someone adopt? What is the deeper message and insight that Ben Zoma is teaching us?
Answer
Rabbeinu Yonah explains that in fact Ben Zoma is sharing with us very deep and piercing insights into the world that most people miss.
One who is wise is one who learns from all people. NOT people who seem to be very smart and have a lot to say. They may know a lot of information, they may seem to be very smart and wise. But do they really understand that which they know? Is what they know clear, understood and truthful by them, and therefore reliable, and has therefore transformed their thinking and judgement? Or is their accumulated knowledge merely a tool of theirs to foist themselves over others and a way to ‘look’ smart, but is not well understood by them, and they are therefore not able to make proper judgement with the knowledge they have and more akin to the proverbial ‘books on the back of a donkey’?
Ben Zoma teaches us- want to know how to discern between the real thing and the fraud? Does the person who possesses this knowledge learn from everyone? It is impossible for someone to really understand that which they know, to inculcate the knowledge they have into their being and for them to not have such a love for it that they will accept it and ‘hear it’ from anyone and everyone, regardless of their stature. If this person is someone who doesn’t ‘deign’ to listen to those who are ‘lower’ than they, that is a clear sign that this person’s knowledge and ‘wisdom’ is a fraud.
One who conquers his evil inclination is strong. NOT someone who is physically strong. You see, Rabbeinu Yonah explains, there are two parts to a person- their physical body and their spirit. When it comes to physical strength, which is what people generally associate with being a ‘strong person’, that is quite insignificant and not what is special and unique about a human as a person!
The physical body of a person, put up against other animals of the world, is quite insignificant- regardless of how strong the person may be compared to other people. It would be akin to an ant boasting that he is ‘strong’ because he is stronger than other ants! When it comes to the spirit however, that is where a person is unique and that is where their ‘humanity’ shines forth.
In other words, to speak of a person as being ‘strong’ really makes no sense in the physical manifestation of strength as humans are quite physically weak. However, if you want to know what makes this PERSON a strong PERSON, that is the strength and force of the spirit.
The therefore of this proper perception of the aptitude and assessment of people is that people who assess people as being strong based on their physical strength are led to believe that people who are physically stronger are the people who will live longer, accomplish more, win wars and fights with other people, etc. But in truth, that is not true. Someone who possesses true strength, strength of the spirit which is what makes them uniquely a ‘person’, that is someone who will live longer, accomplish more, win wars and win in their jostling with other people. The person who relies on their physical strength to get them through may seem to have, at times certain advantages, the truth is that they will lose to those of strong spirit their physical strength will let them down and disappoint them.
One who is happy with his lot is rich. NOT someone who seems to have a lot of money. How? When someone assesses a profitable business someone cannot look only at the revenue of the company, they must also assess their expenses! If a company is bringing in $1 billion every year, but they have expenses of $1.1 billion every year, that is a very poor company. On the other hand if another business brings in only $500,000 every year and has expenses of $100,000 every year that is a far more valuable, and rich, company.
The same applies to people. Someone who makes $500,000 every year and spends $600,000 every year, or needs $600,000 every year, is really quite poor- as in they will have very little money! On the other hand, if someone only makes $50,000 every year and spends only $30,000 every year, they are far richer- as in they will have much more money!
One who honors others is honorable. NOT necessarily someone who is only honored. How? Someone who appears to be honored by others and is the recipient of honor, can lead an observer to question- is that true, real honor or is it flattery? Do those that are honoring this person just ‘want to get something’ from this person they are honoring? Or perhaps, it is that the people that are honoring this person are really fearful of this person and don’t honor him, but merely behave in a manner which wouldn’t arouse something they are fearful of?
True honor, real honor, is the outward expression and manifestation of others thinking highly of someone. Do these people that are honoring this person really think highly of them, or are they merely acting the part for some other ulterior motive?
However, when someone honors other people, in a real way, when they think highly of them and treat them in a manner which is consistent and stems from that high appreciation that they have for them, those people will receive in response real, true honor from the people they honor. Why? Because if the person from whom I am receiving honor, if the person who thinks highly of me, is someone who themselves is someone worthy of real honor, then the honor I have received is more meaningful! It is coming from an honorable person! The outcome is that for purely selfish motivations and reasons those who you honor, who you think highly of, will want to think highly, will want to honor, you!
For other people who aren’t as selfishly motivated, they will also honor you and think highly of you- in appreciation and as a thanks for you thinking highly of them!
Chinuch Lesson
There are so many lessons that one can learn from these deep insights of Ben Zoma, I would however, like to focus on the last one, Ben Zoma’s insight into honor.
Thinking highly of someone, and acting towards them in an authentic way which is an outgrowth of these good thoughts that we have of that person, is nothing less than the source of life and goodness to that other person. For someone to walk around scorned and thought lowly of by those around them is to destroy the person and set the stage for them to behave in a way consistent with low and despicable behavior. Conversely, if we can think highly of people, not in a flattering and false way, but rather in a real way of seeing the good in them and conveying that to the other person, this has the power and potential to completely change and turn around someone’s life.
In the life story of every great person there was someone in their developmental years who really believed in them- thought highly of them and saw them as being an honorable and ‘good person’. Be it a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a mentor, etc. someone in their life saw them as being truly good in a real and profound way.
What a source of goodness and life we can be for those around us! What an amazing wellspring of positivity and encouragement we can be for our children, our family, our friends and our acquaintances by having a ‘good eye’, an eye trained to see the good in those around us, and behave authentically towards others with that ‘good eye’ setting the stage. And, Ben Zoma tells us, the ultimate beneficiary of this goodness will be us, ourselves, as those around us believe in us and see the good in us, thereby encouraging our further success and accomplishment.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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