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Toldos- Rules and Regulations
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be focusing on a chinuch (parenting/ educational) lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah.
Background
During the days of Yitzchak there was a terrible famine in the land of Canaan. Because of this famine, Yitzchak was ready to go down to the land of Egypt, ala his father Avraham- when there was a famine many years earlier. Hashem came to Yitzchak, in what was the first recorded prophecy to Yitzchak from Hashem, and told him not to go down to Egypt and despite the terrible famine, Hashem said, ‘I will watch over you and bless you and your money and I will uphold to you all of the blessings that I promised to Avraham.’
Hashem then continues to bless Yitzchak and promise him a large family and multitude of offspring and that through him would be blessed all of the nations of the world. Why? Hashem says I will do this all for you, because of the great merit of Avraham who listened to me and ‘guarded my guarding’, my mitzvos, decrees and Torah.
What does this mean ‘guarded my guarding’? Rashi explains that what this refers to are the various ‘fences’ that are put up around the commandments of the Torah. Because of the importance and seriousness with which Avraham gave to the commandments of the Torah, he put into place many levels of protection and guarding in order to ensure he not transgress the commandments themselves- akin to the Rabbinic ordinances which were set down by our great Rabbis.
Question
Why would Avraham need these fences around the commandments of the Torah? Avraham was a great, refined and almost perfect human being- who cherished and valued the commands of Hashem- he almost certainly did not require extra protections to ensure that he not violate the word of Hashem!
For the Rabbis to decree that us regular people adhere to these extra protections around the actual command of the Torah makes sense, we are not as careful, we do not place as much importance on the mitzvos- as Avraham! But Avraham himself, he should not require such precautions. Why did he enact these in his own conduct?
And furthermore, why was this something which was mentioned by Hashem as being of such great value? Presumably, what was great about what Avraham was that he adhered to all of Hashem’s commandments- how he went about it, with what strategies he took to ensure that he not violate them, why were these mentioned as being of the merits of Avraham?
Answer
The purpose of fences and precautions around something which we attach importance and value to, is not only in order to protect that which we hold dear. But rather this is, in and of itself, an expression of value and importance for what we hold dear.
If one had a very precious piece of art or expensive piece of jewelry, they would not merely suffice with safeguards and precautions which are “logical” and “rational”, the person’s love and care for that which they hold dear would prompt them to go ‘overboard’ in protecting it and ensuring nothing happen to it. Does a loving mother want her child to merely not get hurt or injured or freeze? No! A loving mother wants to swaddle her child in as much soft and cushioned protection as possible to ensure that her precious baby be very protected and very insulated against any harm or adverse weather, even for a moment.
Similarly, when a person senses danger, when they have fear, do they merely make sure to do the least possible necessary precaution to protect against it or do they make sure to stay far away from whatever it is they are afraid of? Why is it necessary for a person to stay far away from a fire, or from the edge of a cliff? Is that what is necessary to stay safe or is that a person going ‘overboard’ in their appreciation for the gravity of what is at hand?
Similarly, Avraham not only wanted to do that which was good and straight, Avraham not only wanted to adhere to the Torah, Avraham fully appreciated just how critical keeping the Torah was and the gravity of what was at stake. And therefore, as both an expression of his concern for living a proper life as well as his interest in wanting to have a high degree of emotional gravity and importance for living life the right way, Avraham made sure to establish fences and protections around the ways of the Torah to absolutely ensure that he would not come to any harm by deviating from living life the right way.
Chinuch Lesson
Rules and regulations are an extremely important part of life and ensure that children are safe and grow up and develop properly. However, it is of utmost importance that, as with so much else in life, that the perspective of the rule maker and the one enforcing the rules is proper in order for the rules to be cherished and respected and not grated against and to be looked at as an obstacle. This applies both in bringing along our children and directing them on the proper path in life as well as ‘raising’ ourselves and making sure that we stay on the straight and narrow.
If we understand rules to be necessary, but burdensome, and a means to control or reign in wants and impulses which are ‘bad’ then the most reasonable reaction that our children, and we ourselves, will have is to ‘chafe at the bit’ and resist these impositions on our natural tendencies. If, however, we appreciate that rules and regulations are the way to train and develop one’s self in good behaviors, and to free a person to maximize their potential, then we will embrace them and our children will embrace them as being the good they are.
Someone who is working to be a good musician, athlete, gymnast, bodybuilder, etc. does not look at the instructions and guidance of their trainer as being overbearing and annoying, but rather as the keys to unlocking their ability to perform and to set them free to really shine. They do not look at the exercises, dietary restrictions and constant toil as being burdensome, but rather as the way towards setting themselves up for the ultimate success and glory.
So too in life. If we can convey to our children, and this requires first appreciating for ourselves, that the rules, regulations, and the strictures of the Torah- and of our sages who have directed us as to what is necessary to lead a proper life- will lead to ultimate success and happiness, then these rules will be embraced and appreciated and not seen or felt as a burden. And even if one’s children or someone themselves is not yet up to some of the restrictions, appreciating that this is the path and way towards a life of realizing true human potential will completely change one’s perspective and resulting attitude and response.
To be clear, in order for someone to feel this way they need to be following that which is authentically Torah and only the advice and direction of true ‘Gedolei Torah’ (great Torah sages). The advice and restrictions of ‘the street’ which may or may not be important to someone’s growth and can, unfortunately, be a means of people vaulting themselves over those around them, are not necessarily important for them to grow and develop and can sometimes even be harmful. Additionally, at times the behaviors and restrictions themselves may be good in certain situations, but the application and judgment is off, which can result in more harm than good.
As in anything where the goal and matter is of great importance, we want to make sure to only follow the advice of a great trainer, a great instructor who we know will get us to the right place. This is one of the reasons for someone to ‘make for themselves a Rabbi’. And not just any Rabbi but a Rabbi who is authentically connecting to the tradition from Sinai who can guide us in truly finding the proper Torah path in life and leading a happy and fulfilling life. Not only will this actually help us to get to the right place, this can help us to fully appreciate that the rules and direction that they advise are actually good and an important part of our growth and development.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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