Seek to Understand
This past week, I had the opportunity to spend two days with Leadership Shawnee Class #40 as we kicked off their Leadership Shawnee experience.
There were plenty of great conversations and lessons throughout the retreat, but one simple statement from one of our speakers has stuck with me:
"Seek to understand more than to be understood."
It's a simple idea, but the more I've thought about it, the more I believe it applies to nearly every part of leadership and business.
Most of us are pretty good at explaining our position.
When there's a disagreement, we want the other person to understand why we made a decision. When an employee brings us a problem, we immediately start thinking about the solution. When a customer is frustrated, our instinct may be to explain what happened. And when we're sitting in a meeting, it's easy to spend more time thinking about what we're going to say next than actually listening to the person speaking.
But what would happen if we approached those conversations differently?
What if our first goal wasn't to respond, defend, explain, or solve, but simply to understand?
For a business owner or leader, that might mean asking an employee one more question before offering advice. It might mean listening to a frustrated customer without immediately explaining why something happened. It could mean sitting across the table from someone with a completely different perspective and becoming genuinely curious about how they arrived there.
Understanding doesn't mean agreeing.
That's an important distinction.
We can listen carefully to someone's perspective and still reach a different conclusion. We can understand an employee's concern without being able to give them exactly what they're asking for. We can listen to a customer's frustration and still know there are circumstances they may not see.
But when people believe they've genuinely been heard, the conversation changes.
I think this is especially important in leadership because leaders are often expected to have answers. Sometimes that expectation can cause us to move too quickly into problem-solving mode.
I've certainly caught myself doing it.
Someone starts explaining a situation, and before they've finished, I'm already working through the solution in my head. The problem is that when I'm focused on preparing my response, I'm no longer fully listening.
The reminder I took away from our Leadership Shawnee retreat is that good leadership doesn't always begin with having the right answer.
Sometimes it begins with asking the right question.
"Tell me more."
"What am I missing?"
"Help me understand your perspective."
Those are simple questions, but they can change the way we lead employees, serve customers, work with other businesses, and engage with our community.
They also matter beyond the walls of our individual organizations.
At Shawnee Forward, one of the things I want us to continue doing is listening. If we're going to be an organization that represents and supports our business community, we have to understand what businesses are experiencing. What challenges are you facing? What opportunities are you seeing? What resources do you need? What could we be doing differently?
We can't advocate effectively for businesses we don't understand.
We can't create valuable programs without understanding what our members need.
And we can't build strong relationships without first being willing to listen.
So my challenge this week is a simple one, and I'm including myself in it:
In your next important conversation, spend a little less time trying to be understood and a little more time trying to understand.
Ask one more question.
Listen a little longer.
You might be surprised by what you learn.
~Daniel
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