News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™
Joy, Love, and Peace for 2019
April 2019 The 3 Ultimate Attitudes
Mark your calendar!
Upcoming FREE Communication Class Saturday April 27, 2019
Kind words about the Newsletter
What a happy surprise to read this upon wakening...
I am always uplifted by your emails."
In response to last month's theme about how to overcome moodiness:
"This one really came at the right time to lift me out of the doldrums. I felt like signing up for "dial a grump line." But I followed your five step guide and am now going out for a happy walk in the bright sunshine."
Visit the website
and take the free survey to identify what's standing between you and more joy, love, and peace.
"Yes, but you're a half an hour late in dog minutes."
A Short Story
An Attitude Reconstruction faithful relayed the following exchange he had with his not very accepting wife recently. While they were driving in the car running errands she became increasingly focused on and critical of a bike rider in the adjacent bike lane. She wondered aloud why the cyclist was doing this, that, and the other thing and not riding correctly. (This is the epitome of the second destructive Ultimate Attitude -- not accepting other people and things and instead judging them negatively).
Miraculously, she stopped herself mid-sentence and turned to her very patient husband and asked, "What is it I'm supposed to be saying to myself at moments like this?" He gently reminded her "
People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be." She replied "Oh, yeah. I've got to remember that." And he smiled and offered a silent prayer of thanks.
"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"
"You've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"
Greetings dear ones,
I was born on Easter and as the story goes, my parents considered calling me "Lilly," even though they were not religious. I was relaying this story to my brother and he added a line. 'Well, they could have called you "Bunny.'"
Coming up this Saturday is my free, fun communication class, offered through the Center for Extended Learning (previously called "Adult Ed." It's nearly impossible to enroll online, but you can sign up at the Schott Center (310 West Padre, Santa Barbara) in advance or come at 9:15 and register at the office. I hope to see you there.
The flower of California is popping out all over. I was drawn to then Antelope Valley to see for myself. It is amazing to see bright orange poppies blanket the hills and fields. Truly breathtaking!
No wonder it's the state flower.
A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest
Here's what doctors did with the Thai boys when they emerged from the underwater cave.
Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!
Here's a report that rebuffs the concept of
off heart attack.
Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.
The Three Ultimate Attitudes
Attitude Reconstruction began as a Blueprint; a complete guide to our six emotions and the predictable things we think, feel, say and do as a result. In the process, I discovered that our emotions, as well as our behavior, exist in opposite pairs -- sadness and joy, anger and love, and fear and peace. Furthermore, I divided all of the actions, thoughts, and feelings associated with each emotion into four core attitudes.
It wasn't until years later, however, that one over-arching concept (an Ultimate Attitude) emerged from the four attitudes connected to each emotion. There are three destructive Ultimate Attitudes associated with sadness, anger, and fear. Conversely, there are three constructive Ultimate Attitudes, associated with joy, love, and peace. Embody those and you will be truly free.
The three destructive Ultimate Attitudes are that we:
1. Get down on ourselves (indicates unexpressed sadness)
2. Don't accept what is (born of unreleased anger)
3. Overgeneralize and hang out in the future or past (due to stored up fear)
I'm not going to expand on our destructive Ultimate Attitudes but to say that they are very familiar themes that cause us pain. These attitudes manifest in how we act, speak, think, and feel. They are the underlying issues that create our unhappiness. We all know folks (maybe ourselves) that super excel in one or more of these crummy attitudes.
Here are the opposing three constructive Ultimate Attitudes.
1. Honor ourselves (indicates we experience joy)
2. Accept people and things (brings us love)
3. Stay present and specific (lands us smack in the now)
"OK, but don't call me again until you have something more specific than 'Life isn't fair.'"
Details about Each of the Three Ultimate Attitudes
The three constructive Ultimate Attitudes are universal concepts that are at the root of every major religion and philosophy. I believe that to be "enlightened" means that we truly and deeply live by these three principles.
Ultimate Attitude #1 -- Honor yourself.
Honoring or loving ourselves means that we unequivocally know that we are whole and complete. We are worthy and perfect regardless of what we do or have; we are self-reliant, full within ourselves, and independent of others opinions and judgments. We appreciate and respect ourselves, and we speak up and take action aligned with what we know is best in our hearts.
Ultimate Attitude #2 -- Accept other people and situations
. Accepting what is means we keep our focus on our own domain, our heart, and act from our intuition, rather than being reactive or governed by what others do, say, or have. We accept what is presented with equanimity and then respond from a place of love. We appreciate and look for the good in our world and we give without a selfish motive.
Ultimate Attitude #3 -- Be present and specific.
While the value of staying present is very popular in today's culture, the need to remain specific is not, but "should" be. We use specifics in architecture, all fields of science, music, engineering, medicine, and cooking, but we're not taught to stay specific in our thinking and communicating. We can handle any problem if we stay focused on just that, without bringing in the kitchen sink. We can be understood and find workable solutions if we stay concrete.
"I'm spending more time promoting myself that I am being myself."
It's Never to Late to Change Your Attitude
And how do we learn to live by these three Ultimate Attitudes? With vigilance and practice. The way to do this is simple: 1) handle our emotions physically and constructively, 2) keep entertaining constructive thoughts, 3) check within for guidance, 4) communicate following Attitude Reconstructions 4 rules of good communication ("I"s, specifics, kindness, and listening), and 5) act in alignment with our hearts. Every time we practice these steps, we feel good. When we make a misstep, just make the correction and proceed.
For instance, it's easy to enliven the constructive Ultimate Attitudes by changing our thinking. Select one or a couple of 'Reliable Truths' from the
box below and repeat them tenaciously, ignoring all the competing and distracting chatter. W
rite your truths on a 3x5 card. Then, when you notice you've slipped into a negative attitude, repeat, and repeat, and repeat until you truly get it.
You can "power" on your favorite "truths" anytime you need some help. This can be done in several ways: as a solo activity, like a meditation; while doing other things, such as showering, driving, exercising, waiting in line, or not sleeping; and as a substitute when you realize your thinking is funky. 100,000 reps should do it! Just think about the number of times you've thought or told yourself the opposite. With practice and persistence, you will feel the benefits of re-framing how you interpret your every moment.
| Hey Jude,
I can't help but compare myself to others and I always seem to come out on the short side of the stick. What's my problem?
ontinually comparing yourself and your accomplishments to others is a no-win situation. You fuel your sadness and feelings of unworthiness every time you think someone else has something you don't. The antidote? Shift your focus from out there to in here -- back to yourself. Select a couple of truths that will support you in your commitment to honor yourself (The first Ultimate Attitude). Here are some possibilities:
"What I'm seeking is within me." or "I love me." or "We're all on our own paths." or "I'm doing the best I can."
I'm sending you best wishes for a good coming month!
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: