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My book for the month of March was Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. Voss is a former FBI international hostage negotiator who subsequently taught negotiation at both USC and Georgetown. He is the founder and principal of the Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training for high level, complex negotiations. He has lectured on the subject at other leading universities, such as Harvard and MIT.
The title of the book comes from Voss’ background in hostage negotiations, where you cannot compromise on releasing hostages (such as: “I’ll take two and you can keep two”). He had to win every negotiation. This background carries over to Voss’ views regarding effective and successful negotiation. Contrary to what is the view of negotiation taught at places like Harvard, i.e., negotiation can be a systemized problem solving process to reach agreement, Voss’ view is that emotion is at the very center of all negotiations – and the FBI changed its approach to hostage negotiations based upon that shared view.
Utilizing examples from prior hostage negotiations in which he was involved, Voss systematically explains key processes for negotiating any deal. Those processes, which he explains in detail by way of real-life examples, include active listening, mirroring, tactical empathy, bending reality and calibrated questions. Finally, Voss explains how to effectively bargain with aggressive counterparts and go on the offensive.
One of the chapters of most interest to me was the author’s flip side view of the “Getting to Yes” approach championed by training programs such as those offered at Harvard. Voss points out that the word “yes” does not always mean agreement. That word can be counterfeit (just a way to get out of the discussion with no plan to perform), confirmation (which can simply be a reflexive reaction with no real promise of action) or commitment (which means they agree to what you want). Only the last of the three means there is a deal. To the contrary, Voss advocates trying to get a “No.” He contends that getting the other side to say “no” gives them a feeling of control (which can further negotiations), and also gives you the opportunity to use that response as a basis to explore what are the actual barriers to a deal which, when overcome, can result is a real “Yes.”
For those of you who want to increase your negotiating skills, this book is worth adding to your library.
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