News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2018

Attitiude Reconstruction  


Taking Personal Responsibility                              October 2018
It's coming up this month...
To enroll, you must first register. Come join the fun and learn what your parents and school didn't teach you!


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Kind words about Attitude Reconstruction  
This has been an easy to use tool to successfully navigate through the loss of my loved ones, professional fears and worries, and any emotion that becomes overwhelming.  
When there are times when I don't think I can go through another minute without professional help, I read a small portion of this book.
Jude's stellar ability to clarify and explain how sadness, anger, and fear are related to joy, love, and peace is impressive.  
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According to Attitude Reconstruction, the tendency to feel, think, speak, and act passively is the fourth core destructive attitude associated with the emotion of sadness with our focus being on ourselves. You can click here if you're interested in seeing the layout and scope of all of the core attitudes.    

"Flying around all day just won't cut it--sooner or later you're going to have to fight some evil."

"I would like you to be more self-reliant, show more initiative and accept greater responsibility -- but check with me first."



Greetings dear ones,  
First, if you've ordered a copy of Attitude Reconstruction from Amazon and received a copy that doesn't have an award sticker on the front cover, please contact me. You've received an outdated, harder-to-read version. I'll be glad to send you a replacement at no charge!

And second, if you know your communication skills need honing, and are considering coming to my communication class on October 27, now is the time for action!

Read below about Attitude Reconstruction's view on taking personal responsibility, but first...

A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
To understand the severity of our opioid crisis, there are more than 72,000 drug overdose deaths a year. That more than the USA casualties of the Vietnam and Afghanistan war and more than the number of USA deaths due to auto accidents.   

Here's an article about a study about how smart your dog really is!    
Hawaiian Healing Mantra:
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
Here's a fascinating look at every building in the USA and a lot more.  
Richard Branson says his success comes from praising people and never taking no for an answer. "Too many companies seem to rule by fear and criticism. I don't think that's the best way to bring up children or employees (or humans or animals)." 
Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!    
Some people's cows like to ride in the back seat of their owner's truck.  
A man tries to get his pick-up back from the repo-man.
A puppy trying out different voices, especially those of cats, before settling on barking.  
How can we ever forget the King of dance? Elvis and his smooth moves. 
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.   
Speaking Up and Stepping Up vs. Passivity

When we stand up and lovingly assert ourselves, we feel joy. We feel virtuous and good about ourselves because we are obeying our inner wisdom. When we choose complacency, we don't create a positive inner feeling. Instead, we feel hopeless, helpless, and unmotivated to act. We feel we are unable to handle what we have been dealt.
Passivity stems from not listening to and obeying the direction given by our inner knowing. Feeling passive is not having the energy, drive, or confidence to do what we know within is best.
Being passive developed as a pattern for a really good reason -- we were avoiding feeling our emotions (especially sadness) and had to find some place to channel the sensations we were experiencing. Maybe dad was a tyrant and we felt like we had no choice but to be quiet and duck. Maybe our classmates laughed at us when we made a mistake and we decided being shy was safer.
But today, we're grown up and need to handle situations in an adult manner. It's time to shed our meekness and stand up and be counted. It's a choice, and yes it might take us out of our comfort zone. Take action, don't sacrifice feelings of empowerment and confidence by not speaking up and/or standing up.  

It's so much easier to put the problem on others by blaming and focusing on them. We revert to bitching and moaning about our circumstances and the people in it. However, all this outward focus keeps us from looking within to find what we can do to rectify a given situation.
This commonly happens with the couples I see in my private practice. They seem to have a PhD in finding the shortfalls in their partners rather than look at what they might be doing to keep feelings of connection and intimacy at bay.
It also happens with politics. We blame the politicians and sit on the sidelines, ragging about what a corrupt system we have and how we can't do anything about it.
Another pervasive way we skirt taking personal responsibility is by not owning our emotions and dealing with them constructively. Instead of acknowledging our fear and shivering and shaking out the agitation that's going on in our bodies and minds, we entertain overwhelm and anxiety. This puts us in a state of paralysis and puts confusion center stage.
Instead of having a good cry, we revert to feeling bad about ourselves and repeat the old messages that confirm that we're losers, unlovable, or unworthy. And instead of moving the anger out of our bodies, we go around being critical, judgmental, and frustrated with everyone and everything.
Can you identify how you don't take personal responsibility? Now is the time to take personal responsibility for our lives and our well-being.

Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Life

Don't want to volunteer for a project that needs to be done? Making excuses why you didn't talk to your partner about the state of your finances? Can't make a phone call to schedule a doctors appointment? Visit your in-laws?  
Instead of automatically digging your heels in and thinking: I don't want to... the outside world is making me do this," pause for a minute. This kind of thinking is an indicator of not accepting what is, of knowing you don't want to but "should." Like a child having a tantrum because she doesn't want to go to bed, you feel justified in stubbornly resisting. However, there is a price to pay, both within and for those around you.
To spare yourself and your world, switch your thinking and take personal responsibility. The truth is:
I am responsible for what I think, feel, say, and do.
I'm responsible for my experience.
I'm responsible for my life.
I can do this.
  If you are complacent, I suggest you repeat one of the above "truths" at least a dozen times a day, minimum, AND relentlessly interrupt your old thoughts that justify taking the easy way out.
When it seems as though others are telling you what to do or you're telling yourself how you should act and you start to feel resistance brewing, step out of your old thinking and ask yourself: What's the specific event or task? What do I know in my heart of hearts is best, is the high road, or will keep me aligned with my personal integrity? 
You intuitively know what's right. It's an inner feeling. So listen and then follow through -- obey that guidance rather than defaulting to your old hopelessness, helplessness, and resistance. You'll be proud of yourself.
When you can't get a clear message about the proper course of action, ask yourself, "Is sadness, anger, or fear (or a combination of the three emotions) standing in my way? Pinpoint the emotion and deal with it constructively. Then you'll be able to sort out what you need to do and how to do it.
It's truly amazing how strong the impulse is not to deal with our emotions physically and naturally. The cultural and family messages that shame us from expressing our emotions are pervasive. It can feel embarrassing, seem inconvenient in the moment, and indicate weakness. However, I believe that owning and handling our own emotions is the ultimate act of taking personal responsibility.
If you follow this simple formula of remembering that you are responsible for your own self, you'll become a different, lighter, freer person. You'll treat your customers with kindness and build a positive atmosphere. You'll know that taking out the trash without being asked, is the least you can do to help around the kitchen. You'll know when to call your aging parent and can do it with an open heart. You'll know when it's time to give an employee a raise. You'll know when to listen rather than argue. The possibilities are endless.
In terms of politics, I think it's healthier if we accept the way things currently are rather than shaking our heads and talking trash. From a stance of true acceptance, we can easily figure out how we can make a difference. Maybe it's by making a financial contribution to a cause we believe in. Maybe it's volunteering with a group that shares our positive viewpoints and values. Maybe it's simply voting!
If you begin to listen within and obey, you'll feel more joy, more love, and more peace. You'll get out of that selfish "me me me" mentality and experience the inner satisfaction of standing up and taking needed action in a constructive and loving way. Those around you will forever being in your debt.

Hey Jude!
I'd like to be more outgoing, but I'm shy. What can I do?
After retreating to the safety of your room or hiding behind the computer screen for years, reaching out to others can appear monumental. Like any new behavior, you've got to confront your fear if you want to overcome shyness. Shiver, cry, and contradict your outdated thinking. "This probably won't kill me. I am and will be okay. I want a social life. Step out, just for today."
Identify some interests and find other people who share them. Explore volunteering, classes, clubs, or lectures. Start small. Planning and shivering before taking each little step will reduce fear and increase your comfort level. Then just gulp and leap! Smiling or saying hello doesn't entail much risk and comes across as a welcoming invitation. Try looking at others as if they were friends. You can also rehearse a short introduction beforehand. Think of some specific topics you feel confident discussing.
As you venture out, shake off the jitters. Remember your goal. Even if your attempts don't meet expectations right away, each step is significant. Keep at it, speak up a little more each time, and praise yourself for each effort. Try connecting with someone else who wants to make a personal change and check in regularly. 
        I'm sending you best wishes for a good coming month...  and remember to VOTE! 
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at:
                           With love,