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Community Advisory Committee member Debbie Keay shared her experience adjusting to new challenges and abilities following her dementia diagnosis during the Hope, Empowerment and Living Well With Dementia panel. In the article below, Debbie shares about her 3 C’s - Can’t, Challenge, and Can.
My 3 C’ s – Can’t, Challenge, Can, by Debbie Keay
When I was first “given” my diagnosis of dementia - “taken” from me was the life I knew. Despite my extreme feelings of loss, I was encouraged not to think about the things I can’t do and encouraged to focus on the “can’s”. This well-intended suggestion was easier said than done and did not work for me initially. The CAN’Ts were all I was focused on at the time. Those supporting me would say: “There is a light at the end of the tunnel”. I would respond: “But, I am the caboose and cannot see the tunnel”.
Not only was I having to adapt to my new circumstances, I had to adapt to the different way people around me were seeing and treating me. Those finding out about my diagnosis were at a loss of what to say and do, and relationships started to fade.
Addressing and mourning my losses was instrumental in my self-care and my journey forward. Slowly, things started to change. I began by accepting my CAN’Ts, the things I cannot change. This acceptance gave me the energy to begin focusing on my CHALLENGES. This was not easy, but I guess that’s why they are called challenges! This is when something wonderful started to happen. Facing my challenges and experiencing mini accomplishments gave me a confidence boost and I began to tackle more difficult challenges. I had not realized how much I had allowed dementia to take from me.
The more I succeeded at adapting to the “challenges”, I started to focus on the CANs. As my list of CANs grew, I began to feel more like my old self. While my life today is not the same as it was before I was diagnosed, or what I envisioned my life would be like, I can honestly say that I am enjoying moments of my life today. I feel a sense of purpose. I feel a sense of accomplishment. Most importantly, in living with dementia, I still feel like me.
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