Staying Cool
July Newsletter 2015
From Me to You--
"How Not To Be an Angry Mom"


Yes, that's me up there in my messy kitchen with my cranky kids!  That's what 4Real Moms is all about...being real!




Let's be real for a moment...I can be an angry mom.  I hate to even admit that, but it's true.  At times, I lose my patience, yell, and even spank my kids in anger.  Being a mom has challenged me more than I ever thought it would. 


Don't get me wrong.  I love being a mom.  I am so grateful that God has blessed me with three, healthy children, but it's hard.  It's hard to stay cool when they don't listen, fight, make messes, and do things that annoy the crud out of me, but it is my job to train them in the way that they should go, and I take that job very seriously. 


Motherhood has made me grow more and change more than anything else in my life. 


And the first thing that needed to change was my anger.  Seriously though, my kids drive me crazy sometimes!!!  Sometimes it just plain feels good to get angry at them and tell them how crazy that they are making me, but that's not at all healthy...that's not at all loving...that's not at all kind...that's not at all what I want them to learn from me...that's not at all God's best for me and for my family.  


So, dear moms, if you can relate to me at all, I'd like to share with you what I've learned about how NOT to be an angry mom...


1.  BE HONEST:  Are you busy?  Do you have a long to-do list?  Did you have a fight with your husband or a friend?  Are you feeling ok?  One thing I learned that makes me less patient with my kids is when I'm frustrated with my own life. 


I've learned to recognize when I'm more short-tempered because of difficult life circumstances, and I have an honest conversation with my kids and share what I'm feeling with them.  "Mommy is having a busy day.  Could you be extra helpful?"  or "Mommy isn't feeling well.  How can you be more kind to me and to each other?"  This shows that we are family and that we can trust each other enough to share what's really going on and why we're really angry or upset so we can support each other and encourage each other. 


Be honest about how you're feeling and ask your kids for encouragement.


2.  BE AWARE:  Are you or your children hungry?  Thirsty? Tired?  Sometimes our emotions are just simply because of a physical need. 


I've learned to keep my children on a regular snack and meal schedule while always having water handy!  This definitely helps with their moods, but I've also learned to be aware of my own needs as well.  Focusing on your own needs may feel selfish, but it's the most important thing you can do for your kids.  Eat and drink water more regularly.  Rest.  Plan more low-key activities if needed.  Communicate when you need a break--even if it's just going to the grocery store by yourself or taking a quick walk around the block!  A mommy needs to be well-fed, well-rested, well-hydrated, and well-taken care of too!


Be aware of any physical needs causing emotional reactions. 


3.  BE PROACTIVE:  When do you feel the most powerless?  What are the things that your kids do that annoy you?  What is usually happening during that time?  What can you do to solve the problem in advance?


Too often in the past, parenting made me feel out of control or even powerless which is when anger would rear its ugly head.   I still have my moments, but I've learned to be more proactive by identifying hot buttons and coming up with solutions that work!  For example:

  • Being Rushed....I've learned to schedule less and allow myself more time to get the kids out the door.
  • Grocery Shopping...I've learned to go through the expectations as well as the consequences during the entire car ride on the way there.
  • Bedtimes...I've learned to create a consistent bedtime routine that works well for our family.
  • Meal times...I've learned to create discussion topics to avoid the silliness. 


Be proactive and find your hot buttons--then create solutions that work. 


4.  BE LOVING:  Do your children need love?  Attention?  Sometimes when our children act up, they just want our attention or love.  


I've learned to love first and discipline second.  And more often than not, my kids just need some good quality time and that helps improve their attitudes and behavior.  Learning to love my kids the way they need to be loved (by discovering their love language) has changed my view of parenting, and has made me more loving and less angry. 



Be loving and seek to understand the way your kids need to be loved. 


5. BE PRAYERFUL:  Do you pray about your anger?  Do you seek God's wisdom and guidance to change you?  Do you ask Him to help you be a better mom?


I'll be honest.  I needed help with my anger and quick-temper.  And who should you turn to when you need to see change in your life?  The good Lord Himself!  So I prayed.  I prayed hard.  I did not want my kids to learn to be angry or yell.  I want them to be good communicators and respectful of others and of themselves.  God has changed me.  I still have my moments, but I've improved as I've allowed the Holy Spirit to fill me up with His peace, patience, love, and kindness before my feet even hit the floor in the morning or before I feel like I'm going to lose it.


Be prayerful and seek parenting advice from our Father first.


Before you grit your teeth...before you yell...before you lose your temper...before you become an angry mom, first know that I've been there.  I understand how hard motherhood is.  Give yourself grace.  Give yourself time to break old habits and change.  You aren't going to be perfect.  No one is.  And remember that you can always apologize, learn, grow, and move forward knowing that every day is a new day. 


In what ways are you an angry mom?  How is God wanting to change your heart and release you from your anger?  How can you find more joy in motherhood? 

Featured Blogger--Christina in Atlanta

Hi moms.  I'm Christina Myers, an Atlanta based, Birmingham born and bred Southern girl grown into wife, mother and cancer survivor.  I love studying and sharing the good news with people while pursuing my many creative interests: yard sales, DIY projects, event decorating, transforming rooms and sharing transformations of my heart by God over at

Christina's Featured Blog Post--
"Staying Cool in the Heat of Parenting"

"In life, I started with only an inkling of my parents' love and understanding of what they put up with until that glorious day when my husband and I received the title of mother and father. Along the many wonderful, joyous times filled with laughter, big smiles, hugs and kisses, there are the extremely challenging times filled with ear shattering temper tantrums, nerve grinding whinny complaints and boundary pushing that causes one's eye to twitch. Our first son, was the type of child who was eager to please. His kindergarten teacher once joked, "Um, if you're thinking about having another don't, cause this one is your easy child." We laughed but weren't too concerned..." 

 ~ Read Her Entire Blog Post Here ~ 

Bible Verse of the Month
 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
James 1:19-20 

Book of the Month

Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion
by Gary D Chapman by Northfield Publishing
Paperback ~ Release Date: 2015-06-01
List Price: $15.99
Our Price: $7.61
Buy Now

Learn how to keep your cool!
Getting angry is easy. Daily annoyances or mistakes poke at us. Then feelings of disappointment, hurt, rejection, or embarrassment begin to stir. And once our anger is aroused, that unwieldy cluster of emotions can make our thoughts and actions feel impossible to control.

Dr. Gary Chapman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages®, offers helpful-and sometimes surprising-insights into why you get angry and what you can do about it. Using real-life stories and practical principles, Chapman explains how you can channel anger in ways that are healthy and productive. You'll also be equipped to help those you love (including your children) deal with their own anger. The book even addresses what to do with long-simmering feelings of anger toward people in your past.

Includes an assessment that will help you discover your unique way of handling anger and how to effectively tame it when it is provoked.

Join Our Mailing List and you will be entered into a drawing to win your choice of books: Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion, In His Light:  Facing Fear with Faith, 22 Ways to Love Your Husband Like a Boyfriend Again, or Best In-Home Date Nights That Don't Involve the TV  CLICK HERE for more information.

Recipe of the Month
  Peanut Buster Dessert
This dessert will help you stay cool AND it's delicious!  In fact, it's the best dessert I've ever had!  This is a lot more steps and ingredients than 4Real Moms usually shares, but trust me, it's SO worth it!!!

  • 1 ½ cups    evaporated milk

  • 2/3 cup      chocolate chips (you can always use more!)

  • ½ cup        butter (for the crust)

  • ½ cup        butter (for chocolate sauce)

  • 2 cups        powdered sugar

  • 1 tsp.         vanilla extract

  • 1 lb.           chocolate sandwich cookies (Oreos)

  • 1 gallon     vanilla ice cream

  • 1 ½ cups    Spanish peanuts



  1. Open sandwich cookies.  Crush cookies into a 9x13 pan (we used a potato masher-you can also put them in a gallon ziplock bag and crush them. Don't worry about crushing the cookies too much. Having big chunks of cookie in the crust is yummy!)

  2. Add ½ cup of melted butter to the cookies and stir. Press and smooth the cookies. Put in the freezer.

  3. Before you close the freezer door, grab the ice cream and let it thaw while you move on to making the chocolate sauce.


  1. In a sauce pan, add evaporated milk, ½ cup butter, chocolate chips and powdered sugar.

  2. Bring to a boil. Set a timer for 8 minutes and stir constantly. It's not going to look anything like chocolate sauce at first, but it will as it thickens!

  3. Stir in the vanilla. Set aside.

Putting it all together:

  1. Remove the crust out of the freezer. Pour a layer of chocolate sauce on top of the cookies.

  2. Add ½ of the Spanish peanuts on top of that.

  3. Spread on the softened ice cream.

  4. Add another layer of the chocolate sauce. You can add as much as you'd like.

  5. Add the rest of the Spanish peanuts.

  6. Put in the freezer. This dessert is best to eat after being in the freezer for a few hours, but it's just chocolate, ice cream and peanuts so you can also eat it immediately if you can't wait!

Craft of the Month
Fork Puffer Fish
Stay cool inside with this fun craft with your kids! 
--approved for 4Real Moms by Jody C. in Rankin, IL
Money Saving Tip
Make Your Back Yard Splash! 
One year, we bought a pool pass.  It was quite pricey so we made sure that we went to the pool as often as we could.  Honestly, it was stressful.  We've never bought another one since.  Instead, we buy a little plastic pool and some sprinklers to make our backyard a fun place to cool off without the huge investment! 
Parenting Tip
Learn Your Kids' Love Language
I mentioned the importance of this in the above article in how not to be an angry mom.  I can't tell you enough how much learning to love my kids the way they need to be loved has changed my view of their needs and my role as their mother.  I encourage you to learn your child's love language too!  It will improve your relationship with them and bring even more joy and purpose to being a mom!
Upcoming Events
SPECIAL EVENT FOR LEADERS:  Do you lead moms or women?  Do you serve moms or women in any way or through writing, blogging, speaking, or teaching?  Join Jen Davidson and the Moms at Windsor Road Christian Church for this very special event! 
"Turn Your Mess into Your Message" with Jill Savage--Saturday, August 29th 9am - 2pm  CLICK HERE for more details
CONNECT WITH MOMS THIS SUMMER:  CLICK HERE to find a moms group with summer events! 

Thank You!
Thank you for stopping by this month.  I pray that you will stay cool in the summer heat as well as in your parenting.  Your kids need you. 

I'll look forward to seeing you next month for our August Newsletter "Back to School:  Learning and Growing in Motherhood."

Blessings and Be Real!

Christine Leeb
Founder of 4Real Moms