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I often talk with coaches about the utility of the so-called journalists’ questions in a coaching conversation – questions that begin with Who, What, Where, When, or How. You’ll notice that one question stem is conspicuously missing: Why. In coaching, where we need to challenge a coachee supportively at times, it may seem important to be able to ask why something happened, why a certain choice was made, why a person did or did not take a particular action. There is even a well-known and useful critical thinking strategy referred to as “The Five Whys,” which promotes problem investigation that goes beyond band-aid solutions and unearths root causes. You might ask, why isn’t “why” a coaching go-to?
The coachee’s ability to be vulnerable without fear of judgment is central to the coaching conversation, because it helps to catalyze the honest admissions on which effective solutions can be built. However, when a coach asks certain questions starting with “why,” even with the warmest tone, it can have a detrimental effect – one that brings defensiveness, feelings of shame, or a combination of both.
There are ways to invite an authentic response without using “why.” For example, if a student has spent three weeks not turning in required assignments, instead of asking “Why didn’t you submit those?” a coach can ask, “What do you think is holding you back?” This type of question may have a better chance of generating investigative energy within the coachee, helping them to unpack the situation with the feeling of a bit of distance from it, and perhaps being more able to problem solve in a targeted way.
Here are some more ideas about how to ask why without the “why:”
- How would you explain what’s happening?
- Where would you pinpoint the challenge?
- What is stopping you/getting in the way?
- What is changing this situation worth to you?
- Who can help you feel more able to do what you need to do?
- When do you think you’ll be ready to change this?
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Explore which course is right for you at www.lifebound.com.
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