She caught my eye after church, and of course, like a good pastor’s wife, I went to see what she needed. In hushed tones, in the corner of the church lobby, she shared her concerns about so-and-so’s-marriage and that we needed to pray for them. Perhaps if it had stopped right there the conversation would have been acceptable in His sight and hearing. However, those extra tidbits of information, that made me squirm, took it from prayer request form to a form of something else.

What do you do about this?

I am not pointing fingers, because unfortunately the plank in my own eye is bigger than the speck in hers. In fact, just today, I fell victim to this same issue. I shared with a sister in Christ about a situation that I desired us to pray about. Something that I am extremely concerned about. Then, I added a tad more information than was necessary. Not that I meant too, but in reflection I realize that it took it from prayer request level to holy gossip.

Holy gossip!!?! Shudder! Is there such a thing? Yes, I think there is. I will define it as a conversation coated in a form of spirituality, but including elements of unrestrained conversation about other people, that may not all be based on facts and/or is not edifying to the body of Christ. Sigh!
Scripture is quite clear that this is an area that we need to take seriously. James 1:26 (KJV) says: "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless." Oh my! My heart is crying out, even as I write this. I have much room to grow and to be perfected. 

In case one verse is not enough to make me bend my knees, here are two more verses:

"I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak." Matthew 12:36 (ESV).

"For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:37 (ESV).

The question is still in the air: how to share prayer requests and not share too much? Matt Mitchell* shares these helpful insights: “Before you pass on a request, make sure to

  • check your facts,
  • check your role,
  • check your audience, and
  • check your heart."

Checking your facts means making sure you really are sharing truthful information. Checking your role means thinking about if it is really your position to share this information. Thinking about your audience means considering if they are trustworthy to hear this information. Lastly, checking your heart is about evaluating what your motivation is for sharing this request. Is it just to show others that you are in the know or to gossip with a holy flare?

Probably one of the most effective ways I saw this issue of holy gossip handled was in a Mom’s prayer group that I was part of for seven years. Rather than everyone sharing their prayer request, each Mom would simply pray for what was on her heart and then another Mom would pray for her and her requests. This group rarely shared too much information this way. Another thing we did in that group was confess some of our sins out loud. I think just that humble confession was enough to remind us to guard our tongues. 

The question persists on how to stop someone else from sharing too much. This really requires wisdom and grace. Changing the subject is one way that I have seen this handled. It takes intentional thought and tact. Defending the person being talked about could be another approach. Stopping the person that is sharing too much and offering to pray “right now” is another approach. I am curious if you have seen other helpful ways to pull the prayer requests back into alignment with the real purpose?

I don’t know about you, but I appreciate the challenge of this topic and I want to press forward to let what comes out of my mouth be good for building others up and be GRACE to all those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29). As you reflect on these words, what do you want to tuck away and ponder upon? How do you want to respond? Do you feel nudged to change anything? May God bless you as you ask Him to strengthen you to live a life reflecting His honor and glory.

Ruth

*See April 18, 2017 article, "Keeping Gossip out of Prayer."