(continued)
TWO WEEKS TO GO:
I can’t believe that I am shaking. Really shaking.
I am warming up in the driveway about to run 12 miles and I am shaking. I am really afraid, not sure of what, but I am afraid to do this. It is a long, long, long, way.
The sun hasn’t quite broken the horizon, it is morning twilight, a little softer. I am stretching and shaking at the same time. Oh, my, gosh. What have I got myself into? Well, if it were easy, anyone could do it right? I’m ready, let’s get this thing off the ground. It is so early that there is no traffic on Main Street.
No traffic, no sound, no one moving except the nut starting on a twelve-mile run. Stevie Winwood ‘See a Chance’ is always one of the first songs in my playlist ‘Because it’s all on you Don't you know by now No one gives you anything? And don't you wonder how you keep on moving?”
Mile 1 Harvest Grille Restaurant: That wasn’t so bad, mostly downhill. The shaking stopped once I faced up the fact that I was going to do this. As I am thinking about the return run, I know that if I make it this far, 11 miles with only a mile to go, I will be all set. Home stretch is more about will than skill, and I’ve always had more of the former to make up for the latter.
Mile 2: Railroad Bridge just past the Public Safety Building: When I ran past KPs Restaurant, a breakfast place, the parking lot was empty. It’s early. When I hit this spot on the way back, the ten-mile mark, as soon as I take one step towards home past the bridge, I will be setting a personal distance record. I have a couple of nagging pressure points on my feet that I am pretending don’t exist. Thank goodness I am good at blocking things out that need to be blocked out so I can accomplish objectives. I have a funny feeling that specific ability is going to be tested today.
Mile 3: Sunnyside Ford Dealership: Pretty much on autopilot at this point, nothing remarkable about the last mile except some gray-haired dude went whipping by me like I was standing still, and then ran by me again in the other direction. Show off. I could tell he thought he was better than me. At least I’m not wearing black mid-calf socks, such a fashion faux pas!
Mile 4: State Police Barracks: Ok, this is the edge of my familiar sidewalks. Beyond this mark, I’ve only run a couple of times. I am a third of the way through and start thinking about the turnaround point. It has always been easier for me on the run home. In fact, however crappy I feel at the turnaround point is close to how crappy I will feel at the end.
Mile 5: Holden Light & Power: If I am going to cut it short, this is the point to do it. After this it is a brave new world: I will be running another mile out and back over territory I’ve never run before, although I know it is a cement sidewalk, always a little harder on the knees. At least there aren’t any millennials showing off. Yet.
Turnaround Point: Brattle Pizza Stop: I have never been so happy to turn around. It was a nice mile, some nice homes, nice stone walls, some gorgeous landscaping. Let’s see how my theory of feeling crappy holds up. I am on my way home and that is always a great feeling, whether you are running or not.
Mile 7: Holden Light & Power: The first two millennials passed me. At least they were nice. Smiled and said something about the humidity. They are going so fast. I wanted to tell them that I was running 12 miles today and pacing myself but kept silent. No one cares, except me. And I care enough to keep going.
Mile 8: State Police Barracks: Back on familiar turf, two-thirds of the run complete. Hoping I can keep going. I’m tired, pretty sore, pretty sweaty, and pretty. Only kidding, I’m not pretty. The millennials have woken up and now are flying all around. I am proud that I don’t wear spandex in public. At least I have my dignity.
Mile 9: Sunnyside Ford Dealership: Did I mention that I’m pretty tired, pretty sore, and pretty sweaty? My socks are failing me, and I must stop to reset them. Monday morning, I am at Marathon Sports to get new ones. I need to be worrying about my knees and endurance, not my socks.
Mile 10 Railroad Bridge before the Public Safety Building: Once I pass the 10-mile mark I will officially break the world record for Edward James Doherty in distance running. I still can’t believe I am doing this, but the proof, I guess, is…. I am doing this. There is no way I don’t finish this run. No way. If I have to crawl, I am going to go twelve miles. KPs Restaurant parking lot is packed as I run past it. I have been running a long time.
Mile 11: Harvest Grille Restaurant: I have run this last mile hundreds of times. Almost every route I run includes this last mile. It is all uphill, but like an old friend, so as I start the final mile, I know I have it. My eyes are watering a bit when I think about what I am about to accomplish. It won’t be in the paper, there will be no one at the finish line cheering, there won’t be a medal, but there will be something better than all of that. I will have done it. Minor achievement? Maybe. But I did it and they can’t take it away.
Mile 12: My Driveway: The last time I was here was 2 hours and 38 minutes ago and I was shaking with fear about what lay ahead. During my fraternity’s initiation ritual there is a line that goes ‘When you face up to your fears, they often disappear.’ Bingo. I just ran 12 miles. They can’t take that away. No matter what happens during my first half-marathon, I just ran a big-boy distance, and I used some skill, some brains and some will. I am a Sunday morning champion, and I feel great. Except for my hips, knees, and feet, I feel great. As I say sometimes, I really want to hop in the jacuzzi, but since we don't have one, I take a nap instead to celebrate.
Reflection:
Was it easy? Are you kidding me? You try running twelve miles. If I had to identify lessons from my achievement it would be this:
- Everyone trying something for the first time has doubts.
- Everyone trying to achieve something new has doubts.
- Everyone trying to be better tomorrow than they are today has doubts.
- Everyone stepping out of their comfort zone has doubts.
- Everyone has doubts.
Sometimes, those doubts are strong enough to make someone shake. But if you are going to grow you have to try things for the first time. You have to try to achieve new heights. You have to step out of your comfort zone. You have to overcome your doubts.
On to Hampton Beach Half Marathon, and Part 3: Too Far to Run Alone.
(to be continued)
