News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™ 
Joy, Love, and Peace for 2021
May 2021
Swearing, Yelling, and Oreos
"I can't remember what we were arguing about either. Maybe if we keep yelling it will come back to us."
"You just march right back in there and keep marching around and around" until he sees that you're good enough to put back in the marching band."
Yelling, Swearing, and Shutting Down

A couple came in for communication counseling. How refreshing. They very much loved each other but their styles of communication were causing them heartache and strife.
What was quickly revealed was each of their strategies in interacting with other human beings. The wife realized she didn't speak up because she was always concerned with keeping everybody happy and keeping the peace. The guy figured it was best to take on a "whatever" attitude towards whatever his wife and children were saying that he didn't agree with. Ultimately, he got fed up with the situation, and then lashed out verbally by swearing and yelling.
The problem is that neither style keeps the love flowing. Both ways of communicating create less feelings of connection and more lack of understanding. Love is based on feeling understood. That's who we fall in love with. Someone really gets who we are. That's the feeling we want to maintain with family, friends, etc.
The prescription for these two typical ways of operating is the same and it's no surprise. Both people must be committed to following Attitude Reconstructions 4 Rules of Communication, especially the first two. 1) Talk about what's true for you, "I" not "you," and 2) stay on one specific topic at a time and talk about it in specific terms.
This was going to be new territory for both of them. Each was in the habit of not speaking up for very different reason. Both were willing to try this grand experiment.
What was cool was, they both felt it in their bodies every time they sacrificed speaking up what was true for them. They felt these sensations were something they had to live with, rather than knowing that they could use their physical symptoms to let them know they needed to speak their "I" about a specific topic.

Oreos and Cocaine

It’s not often one can write about Oreos and cocaine in the same breath, but that’s exactly what I'm going to do. I came across reference to an article that melted my heart. For one, it was the brainchild of a female undergraduate at a small college, Connecticut College. Secondly, it shows the power of simplicity. Third, it explains why it’s hard to eat just one Oreo or potato chip. The study was inspired by Jamie Honohan, a senior with a desire to become a physician assistant. She was interested in the large rates of obesity in lower-income communities.

           Being a neuroscience major, Jamie and her advisor, Professor Joseph Schroeder, designed two studies to test the potential addictiveness of food with high fat and sugar content. They chose Oreos so they “could make a correlation from rats to a problem facing humans,” and because earlier research had shown that rats like Oreos!

In the first study, two adjoining chambers were set up for the rat. In one half, rats were given Oreos, and in the other, rats feasted on rice cakes. No surprise rats preferred the Oreos and finished every bit (cream filling first) while those given the rice crackers didn’t. When the food was taken away, the rats were given the option to spend time in either chamber, Oreo rats preferred to be in the chamber where they were fed, where Rice cracker rats, didn’t.

           In a second study, half of the rats were given a shot of cocaine or morphine in one cage, and the other got a shot of saline. When the substances were taken away, the rats were given a choice where to hang out. The Oreo cookies subjects chose to spend just as many hours in the Oreos chamber as the cocaine rats chose to be in the place where the drugs had been injected. The association to a certain place was equally strong for the Oreos and the drugs group.

           The researchers also measured increased neuron activity in the brain’s pleasure center and found that Oreos activated significantly more neuron activity than the coke.

           Their research supports the idea that high-fat, high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way as drugs. Jamie Honohan said these results suggest that junk food may “be more dangerous to society than drugs because you don’t have to go (into) a dark alley to buy them. You go into any grocery store or bodega, and they are highly available and affordable. Sweets target kids and families on a budget.”

           These simple studies certainly give insight about why we love our high sugar and fat food items and how hard it is to give them up. It also legitimizes the need to treat food addiction withdrawal in the ways we do for cocaine or morphine.

But to end on a much lighter note, I can’t help but love the finding that rats, like humans, eat the filling before the cookie.
"When I get frustrated, it feels good to put people in their place with a righteous jab. They deserve it!"
Jude says:
Don't say it! Satisfaction from "you-ing"(telling other people about themselves) lasts a few seconds as your angry comment dart from your mouth and wound your intended victim. But that temporary pleasure is short-lived, and quickly turns hollow as you carve deep grooves of hurt, anger, fear, and separation. People don't recover very easily from a jab. We need to accept we have differences and speak up about what is true for us about us about the specific topic at hand!
Thanks for reading to the very end. I hope you found this newsletter helpful, or at least it brought a smile to your face. I'm always happy when I hear from you, even if it's "feedback." I wish you a good coming month.
With major rainbow love,