This article was originally published on INC.com
When one of my clients experienced discrimination in the workplace, she confided in a colleague. She had hoped to feel understood, validated, and supported. Instead, her colleague's response made her feel dismissed and belittled.
She was a high performer at her company, but she had recently been denied a leadership position. "You're Asian," her boss had said. "You're too deferential. You cannot lead."
She recounted the conversation to a co-worker. The co-worker replied by insisting discrimination couldn't possibly be the reason she was denied a promotion. "It can't be. It must be something else," they said.
Her colleague may have been trying to shield her from the pain of something as harmful as discrimination by dismissing that it could have happened. But her intent did not match the impact of her statements. She didn't react with empathy, she reacted with sympathy -- a reaction that expresses pity, but can lead to further isolation and disconnection instead of connection and support.
People excel in environments of psychological safety, in which they feel heard, understood, and without the worry of self-protection, instead focusing their energies on thriving in their work.
Leaders can help create these environments by expressing empathy -- not sympathy -- in vulnerable moments. Here are some tips to help you do that.
Be comfortable with vulnerability.
The past year has shown us that no one is immune from turbulent times, and leaving hardships "at the door" when we go to work is neither simple nor healthy -- especially when the door to the office is the door to our homes.
When leaders are the first to show vulnerability, they give others permission to do the same. Some people often think being vulnerable is "too soft" or a sign of weakness, but it is, in fact, a display of courage and strength. If leaders show that they can work through hardship without denying it or brushing it off, then everyone else feels empowered to do the same.
