Hi Everyone,
What a week of extremes this has been. It could be the weather, it could be my IVF meds, but I know this: I am feeling lucky. It’s the beginning of the Lunar New Year this week, the Year of the Earth Pig, which usually coincides with my mom’s BD, the Super Bowl, and, wintry mix weather aside, marks the start of a potentially auspicious two weeks.
For me, the New Year has always signaled a time to clean house inside and out, clarify goals and focus on what’s next. Collectively, it’s a chance to call upon each other and our ancestors for good fortune, good health and a little more luck. I’m not a superstitious person but I do believe there are celestial openings throughout the year to set intentions, invite and manifest specific dreams and ask for cosmic help: The Lunar New Year is 100% one of those times!
In this edition, I’ve included a podcast on coping and communicating about pregnancy loss at work; an article on your “mom motivating” style and an inspiring or eye-opening piece on a young female climate activist. In personal care, there are some probiotics to try and apps to manage screen time — a gift shop of goodies to consider for kiddie V-Days; and finally a trend of non-parenting books that focus on you and your partner's well-being.
With love,
Carrie
@tbd_mama
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LISTEN: PREGNANCY LOSS IN THE WORKPLACE
What “should” you say to your boss after experiencing a miscarriage? Do you say anything at all? What do you tell colleagues if you are the boss? Do you throw yourself into work; take a pause; or leave altogether? Is it safe to share your story? Will the environment support your truth? And what about the men? There isn’t always one involved but when there is a “dad”, wow, we have to take into account their experience of devastation and loss too, as well as the excruciating pressure they face to put on a brave face and return to work as if everything is just fine when it most certainly isn’t. This excellent episode of
‘The broad experience” delve into these questions and includes three diverse experiences of pregnancy loss, openly sharing how each woman navigated, coped and managed while in the traditional workplace.
I particularly resonated with one woman’s story about how her body was rejecting working at this one job; the lifestyle, the work-style, the values (or lack thereof) and each miscarriage was an existential expression of revolt against the entire place and culture. And then, through the losses, she became an advocate for herself, her family and began a whole, new, bright path. Her story spoke to me so deeply because of my own interest in the intersection of personal ambition and motherhood and my desire to create space and solutions that integrate all of a mama's broken and unbroken pieces. Intentional, honest sharing in podcasts like these generate empathy and empowerment for anyone willing to listen. Please listen
—
to yourself, each other and if you have 25 minutes to spare while in transit, these fantastic stories.
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LA FAMILIA: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!
What’s your motivating style? Mine is more of the coerce and bribe variety which I know isn’t ideal but is honestly all I often can do in a heated moment of exchange. I understand my child needs autonomy, and that it’s a healthy thing to nurture and encourage, but staying attuned in the moment while your child is freaking out is really hard. And exhausting. And sometimes at the end of the day a
fine you can watch Frozen
bribe is all I got. But, I suppose in my better moments, I could consider some of these strategies instead which create an “autonomy supportive” environment that supports both of us.
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FEMME-INISM: THE CLIMATE KIDS
So the World Economic Forum (aka Davos) happened a couple weeks ago and only 22% of its' delegates were women, a modest increase from previous years yet still a grossly disproportionate representation among the world's biggest bosses and global leaders who meet annually to, theoretically, address the global economy and solve big problems. But things got interesting, and decidedly female, when a sixteen-year-old climate activist from Sweden hopped off a train and schooled them all in the urgency of
doing something right now.
Greta Thunberg delivered a fiery rebuke to mostly old, white and male captains of industry and has now inspired climate-strikes across the world including a massive worldwide school walk-out on
March 19
. I'll have more of what she's having please because I want all of us, especially our sons and daughters, to inherit a healthy planet. I also think it's critical to take better care of the most important Mama of them all: Earth.
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FOR THE LITTLES: VALENTINE'S DAY
This
Maisonette
list might skew a bit “girly” and I wish there were more options for non-”girly” girls and boys but really,
who
doesn’t want a heart-shaped pinata? I sure do! Included in their "party shop" are also sweet Valentine's Day cards that flip the traditional narrative with whimsical, empowered messages for them instead (i.e.
Be You!
instead of
Be Mine! which always sounded very creepy to me...
); interactive cards for teachers and grandparents; festive party supplies and plenty of lucky charms for love.
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TRY TOGETHER: DIGITAL DETOX
If you’re surprised - or horrified - by your daily iPhone screen time counter but deleting an Instagram app just isn’t an option, then consider one of these apps in order to mindfully monitor your screen time, and sanity.
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BUY FOR YOU: TOPICAL PROBIOTICS
The gut-mind-health-beauty connection keeps popping up for me everywhere and the more I dig and try, the more convinced I am that probiotics really, really matter inside and out. This brief
New York
round-up digs a little deeper into why topical probiotics, products infused with “good bacteria,” can heal, protect and improve overall skin texture.
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TRY FOR YOU: CHEST CARE
Hmmmm. Ok, so this is admittedly an area I neglect. Chest masking? I can barely manage facials. But apparently this is a thing, and it does make sense to pay special attention to the body part that, for new mamas in particular, can be totally stressed out, stretched out and overworking around the clock.
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WHAT NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT:
FOCUS ON THE GROWN-UPS
I am loving this #nonattachmentparenting wave. Finally, a group of books that unapologetically speak to the experiences and challenges parents have too, shifting the focus to moms and dads instead of our littles. This is why I created TBD Mama; to create and share space, editorial and conversation around maintaining individuality while also parenting. Insisting upon it. I’m glad to see and read that there are others proudly coming out of the woodwork and making their own declarations of parenting independence.
*WSJ might have a paywall - apologies in advance!
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