Teen dating violence---three words that go together 

more often than they should. In fact, February is 

National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and 

Prevention Month. In Austin and across the U.S. young 

people are learning how to recognize and prevent 

dating violence in their own relationships and among

their friends. 

Like domestic violence, dating violence typically

involves a pattern of hurtful and controlling behaviors 

including physical abuse-hurting a partner by hitting, 

kicking, or using other kinds of physical force; sexual 

abuse-forcing a partner to have sex or sharing sexual 

images without consent; stalking-a pattern of unwanted 

attention that causes fear; and psychological abuse- 

verbal and non-verbal behavior intended to harm or 

control another person.

According to the CDC [i] , 69% of high school students dated in the past 12 months. Of these, over 9% of girls experienced physical abuse and nearly 11% experienced sexual abuse from a dating partner. Among boys, 6.5% reported experiencing physical abuse and nearly 3% reported sexual abuse from a dating partner. Sexual minority and questioning youth experienced higher rates of dating abuse than heterosexual peers. The risks for survivors include long term health and mental health consequences as well as increased risk for further victimization in college. [ii] Without intervention, young people who abuse others are at increased risk for committing more serious offenses over time.

Teens in abusive relationships are unlikely to consider themselves victims or perpetrators. Many of these behaviors are considered to be a normal part of a relationship, particularly for teens who have witnessed or experienced violence at home. Even among teens with healthy role models dating or having intimate relationships can be challenging and fraught with difficult emotions. The new roles of boyfriend or girlfriend are not well-defined and media portrayals of romance are not always the best guide. It's not hard to understand how desperate feelings of longing or extreme jealousy can erupt into violence or cause a young person to become possessive and controlling.

During this month and every month, talk with your teens about what makes a relationship healthy. Ask for their ideas and opinions. Listen to understand what they expect in a dating relationship, and what kind of partner they want to be. Notice how they interact with siblings and friends-these early relationships are the building blocks for future dating relationships-reinforce kindness, fairness and respect. Be the ultimate role model-treat them and other family members the way you want them to treat others and how you want them to be treated by their dating partner.

SAFE's Expect Respect Program provides school-based support groups, youth leadership and educational theatre programs, as well as training for teachers and parents in the Austin area. Our team of 14 counselors and educators reach over 15,000 people each year. In February we launched Consent Isn't Cheesy, a campaign to promote consent, not only for sex, but as the basis for all aspects of a healthy relationship.