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Talking Your Kids Through Your Divorce -
Part Two (Ages 6-12)
Children in the 6–12-year-old age range most need to feel competent. The main question kids at this age have is, “How can I be perceived of as good and avoid being seen as bad?” So, when thinking about how to tell your school aged child about your separation or divorce it is important to keep in mind that although separation/divorce can be a time of great upheaval for all involved, your children can make the transition to the new normal with your love and guidance. What they need from you most is reassurance. Here are some ways you can address some of their fears:
  • Assure them that you both will be staying a part of their lives. When kids don’t have both parents involved in their lives in some way, they may feel like they are not loved by the absent parent.
  • Because your school aged child is always asking themselves, “How can I be good?” - when they hear you arguing about them, they can feel guilty and believe themselves to be at fault in some way. As best you can, try to discuss ahead of time matters that pertain to your children so you can present a united front.
  • Children tend to want to please. When you are speaking about the other parent, please say only kind things or nothing at all. This will help your child not have to feel like they must take sides.
  • Clearly address the changes that will be happening in the children’s lives. Will they be changing schools, or moving to a new place? Knowing what is coming will help your school aged child take comfort that there will be stability in their lives even if things don’t feel stable right now.
  • Give them the ability to ask questions and express their feelings about the situations and let them know you care about their concerns.
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