Q. Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A. He'll dessert you.
Q. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Q. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.
Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valen-tiny!
Q. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?
A. He gave her a ring.
Q. What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine's Day?
A. You're purrr-fect for me.
Q. What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl?
A. Her-She Kisses.
Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine's Day?
A: You're my butter half!
Q: Why did the man send his wife's Valentine through twitter?
A: Because she is his tweetheart.
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is only for girls?
A: HER-SHE's Kisses.
Q: What kind of Valentine's Day candy is never on time?
Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine's Day?
Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Lots of ughs and kisses.
Q: What's the best part of Valentine's Day?
A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Q: What food is crazy about Valentine's Day chocolates?
A: A cocoa-nut.
Q: What was the French cat's favorite Valentine's Day dessert?
A: Chocolate mousse
Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine's Day?
A: My heart beats for you.
Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine's Day?
A: You can always count on me.
Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Vale nine's Day?
A: You mean a great dill to me.
Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine's Day?
A: I love you a watt.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to send any Valentine's Day cards?
A: His heart wasn't in it.
Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine's Day to dance?
A: To the meatball.
Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine's Day?
A: I love you berry much.
Q: What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A: Because they're scent-imental.
If you were a triangle you'd be acute one.
Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
"You came home early from your date," John observed to his roommate. "What happened?"
"Well," said the flatmate, "after dinner she invited me up to her flat. We had a couple of drinks and she put on some soft music. Then she reached over and turned out the lights."
"So, what next?" asked John, eyebrows raised.
"I can take a hint," said his flatmate. "I came home."