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Tapping Into Your True Power & Seizing Control of Your Life
Divorce has an uncanny ability to divorce us from our own sense of self. Even the most self-confident individual may find herself constantly second-guessing her choices after a marriage falls apart. Unfortunately, a by-product of this mode of thinking is disempowerment -- giving your power to others through resentment (“It’s his fault” or “She broke up my marriage”) or by twisting yourself into what you may perceive as a more pleasing shape (“If I was X, he/she/they would love me”).

The problem with giving your power to others is that they then control your life. In the process, you compromise too much and no longer feel like yourself. You fall into the trap of fearing what other people might do or say if you act as you need or want -- a very common reason for giving away power.

If this feels true to your situation, there are some things you can do to reclaim your power over your own life:

Stop seeing yourself as a victim. While it may be more comforting emotionally to view yourself as a victim in your divorce, you are really telling yourself that you are powerless to dictate your own future. You need to stop and consider how your own behavior may have contributed to the end of your marriage -- in other words, you need to “own your stuff.”

Stop seeking approval. Realize that there will be people in your life who will not always agree or approve of what you say or do. Accept that you have no control over what others think of you.

Stop giving too much. Women tend to be guiltier of ignoring their own needs than men, so examine whether or not you have been too giving in your relationships. Constantly seeking approval by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of yours is self-sabotaging and can leave you feeling resentful and unfulfilled.

Start saying “no” to others and “yes” to yourself. When you start caring less about the approval of others and set your own path, you will find that you have more time and energy to devote to the people and pursuits that are important to you.

Start changing your thoughts about yourself. If you constantly feel the need to prove yourself to others, start challenging that self-defeating belief system. You may need to help of a therapist to reshape your own vision of who you really are or aspire to be.

Regaining power over your own life is not easy. Friends and family may react negatively at first, as you get better about expressing your own thoughts and desires in your relationships. And while it may take some time for them (and you) to adapt to this new version of you, remember that making yourself a priority is not being selfish. You deserve to be happy in your life and are worth the effort it takes to get there.
"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart."

~ Blaise Pascal
People & Pets
April is National Autism Awareness Month. Michaela, a family law paralegal in our firm, has a daughter who was diagnosed with Autism when she was two. Every year, Michaela and her family celebrate Autism Awareness Day and celebrate the uniqueness of Sophia. 

Are you concerned your child may have Autism? Michaela recommends the links below for more information.

Time to Talk 
Part 1: A Co-Parenting Conversation Series
I can’t remember ever having felt nervous with my former spouse. Maybe twenty years ago when we met on April 1, 1999. For my last year of law school, my sister and I moved into a quaint duplex near the state capitol. He was the boy next door. Little did I know then that we would be married, have children, and be divorced inside the span of two decades. Keep Reading
Coach's Corner
with Susan Ann Koenig
Got Lucky
The longer I live the luckier I get.

My working parents didn’t know a lot of prosperity. Sleeping on a bed in the dining room, receiving powdered milk from the government, and learning how to transfer buses were a part of my growing up. I got lucky that for the rest of my life I never took a car that runs, a decent bowl of soup, or having my own bedroom for granted. Read More
Who is Koenig|Dunne?
For over 35 years, the Koenig|Dunne team has been helping people pick up the pieces of their life to make a new start. Bringing a family business back from the brink of financial ruin. Sheltering a child from the conflict of a custody battle. We do this work because its work we know matters.

Whether an amicable collaboration or lengthy litigation lies ahead, we’re the team who will empower you on your path to a better future, from start to finish. That’s a promise. We promise you – we will see you, hear you, and stand by you. Learn More
Guidance when you want it. Strength because you need it.
(402) 346-1132