Tears

Admissions Contact:

919.428.0048, beth@360transitionservices.com

Hi friends and Colleagues,

Fall is a season of transition. It's common to feel a little nostalgic, reflective, or even sad as fall begins.

The other morning my nine year old son woke up, rolled over and quietly and looked at me with watery eyes and said, "Mommy, I miss the Mountain House." Little tears dripped on his pillow and he talked about the memories he had there. He was five when we moved. We sat together and shared memories of that special place where he first lived. In this fleeting moment with him I was grateful he was comfortable with his tears, his feelings and his memories.

I also get caught a bit off guard at the start of each fall season with a sense of nostalgia and sweet sadness. Memories of my mom surface. The last trip my parents took to visit me in New England was during the fall. It was a beautiful time of year and my mom, especially, soaked up every scene and experience. She wanted to do and see it all. It was right after this trip that she learned she had cancer. I remember her sharing, as she was moving through the dying process, that she was not afraid to die but was sad to be missing out on our lives. These memories that surface each fall are now welcomed. It's like opening up the photo book and remembering the good times. I'll be forever grateful for that final, beautiful visit with my parents.

It's not surprising both Colton and I were feeling things recently. Fall is naturally a season of transition that activates memories, is often associated with life milestones and brings an inherent sense of things ending. Even when we love fall, we know the expansive sense of summer is over...long days, vacations, outdoor time, more light. The changing leaves are beautiful precisely because they're temporary. This can evoke a bittersweet feeling -- a combination of appreciation and loss.

This has also been true for the families we work with. September has been a "big" season of transition and the challenges of the college transition have been a common theme. Excitement, anxiety, fear, loss...all of these emotions are on overdrive and there have been many tears associated with all these emotions.

Our work with families has been to slow down, sit in the feelings, and create space for their child to advocate and problem solve for themselves, acknowledge and "see' the wins, and have patience. Many of you have been walking alongside us with these families. The collaboration and alignment in the work is invaluable and so appreciated.

Patience is a tall order to ask of parents and their child when emotions are high. Statistics show that many college students cave before they make it to the end of the first semester. They are capable but struggle to push through and hang on as they face the social and emotional challenges of independence. They want out and parents often provide the door.

We are after a different outcome. We allow families to borrow courage, resilience and belief that they can make it. Tears are okay. Struggles are a necessary part of growth. Fall represents all of these emotions in one fell swoop...and we are here for all of it.

"A few tears at the threshold are not a sign that something is wrong-they are a sign that something meaningful is changing."

We look forward to continuing to work with you in support of adolescents and young adults during this transition season back to school. For questions and inquiries I can be reached at 919-428-0048 or beth@360transitionservices.com.

Fondly,

Beth Laughlin and the 360 Team

When Tears Are A Part of the Journey...And It's Okay

"Sometimes tears are the bridge between who we have been and who we are becoming."

For young adults heading off to college, the excitement of a new chapter can exist right alongside stress and fear. Leaving home, finding a new community, managing academics, and navigating newfound independence can feel like a lot all at once. Even when they have been looking forward to college, the transition can be emotionally overwhelming.

For parents, the tears may look different.

There can be anxiety about letting go. Worry about whether their young adult will be okay. And, for the parents whose child has struggled with school, mental health, relationships, or independence, the return to school can bring an entirely different kind of fear: What if we are back here again?

Parents may find themselves remembering difficult moments of previous school years-the phone calls, the missed classes, the anxiety, the conflict. The new school stirs up old emotions even when everyone is hoping this year will be different. The intensity of these emotions can be even stronger during a college transition when the child has left the home.

With all the hopes and dreams of the young person heading into college looking forward to independence and "freedom", the social and academic pressure can, unfortunately, quickly begin to rush in and dissolve the excitement. The expectations can feel enormous, particularly for a young person who already feels like they are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit.

So, there may be tears and a desire to flee.

Perhaps we don't need to rush to stop the tears. Tears can be a release. They can communicate what words cannot. They are a sign that someone cares deeply, is overwhelmed, is grieving something that has changed, or simply carrying more than they can express. It can be so difficult for parents to sit in these moments with their child and not try to solve the pain and difficulty for them, or want it to go away.

At 360 Transitions, we often talk about the importance of creating space for what is underneath the behavior. A young person who says, "I want to come home. I can't do this." may be expressing much more than reluctance to stick it out. A parent who seems overly anxious may be carrying memories of a difficult past. A young adult who appears excited about college may simultaneously be terrified of leaving the familiar. Our job is to normalize all of this and encourage families to stay the course, be okay with the discomfort and chart a course to move through it. We are beginning to see these shifts and "wins" happening as families hang in there and the steepness of the rollercoaster ride is beginning to become a bit more manageable.

This fall, perhaps we can make a little more room for the tears. Instead of immediately asking, "What's wrong?" we might ask, "What is this moment bringing up for you?" Sometimes the tears are where the conversation begins and change can happen.

Integrative Coaching Collaboration

"Bringing together professionals from diverse treatment settings and disciplines to advance the understanding and practice of mental health coaching."

Recently 360 Transitions and Coach Mentors invited a small group of professionals to gather for a couple of days in Pike, NH at the beautiful Innstead Mountain Getaway for the Integrative Coaching Collaboration. As coaching explodes within our field as well as in other professional spaces, it feels timely to begin a "think tank" of sorts around the topic of coaching.

It was an inspiring couple of days. Through open dialogue, shared expertise, and collaboration, we explored the history and evolution of mental health coaching, it's relevance in today's continuum of care, and the unique role coaching can play alongside clinical and treatment services.

We also saught to create greater clarity around what coaching is -- and what it is not, while establishing a shared understanding of ethical, effective, and collaborative coaching practices.

Our mission is to strengthen connections across the mental health, placement and coaching communities, foster thoughtful integration of coaching into the broader continuum of support, and help shape a future in which coaching is clearly defined, responsibly practiced, and meaningfully connected to the needs of individuals and families.

Please feel free to reach out for more information or to join the dialogue. We look forward to collaborating with you! (beth@360transitionservices.com, 919-428-0048).