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When I was a kid I wanted a BFF more than anything,
A best friend who laughed at my jokes, cried with me,
told me I was pretty, played games I loved, made crafts with me,
shared stories, danced and made up silly skits, and just totally got me.
I also wanted a little sister for this reason.
My two brothers had each other.
I felt like I had no one to play with.
In hindsight, I think I wanted another version of me, lol.
Perhaps this is part of the identity crisis we go through as kids.
Maybe having that 'mirror' friend would help us know we are real.
It would also soothe the deep sense of loneliness we feel as the ego
starts to more fully take over and cover up our true essence.
Even though I so desperately longed for this special BFF,
I never found one in elementary or middle school.
I had some friends... but no one I felt I could be 100% myself with.
I didn't know who I was or how to be open to true friendship.
Self-worth and self-love were completely foreign concepts to me.
I didn't know about the possibility of being my own BFF, which probably would've seemed weird at that age, and wasn't talked about back then.
The ego (some say it fully takes over around age 8) is a construct.
Because it is 'made up,' it doesn't understand our inherent wholeness and worthiness. In fact, it divides us... it splinters us into fractions of self.
The ego thrives in the illusion of separation, unworthiness and self-doubt,
which keeps it crafting images (I need to be smart, funny, pretty, strong, badass, etc. to be worthy of love and acceptance). This false sense of self is always searching for someone outside to make it feel better, give it approval and validation, and keep it from feeling so lonely, ugly and disappointed.
My despair and loneliness propelled me to start doing inner work in
my early 20's. As painful as it was, I am grateful it brought me to this path.
Outside of a couple friends from high school,
authentic friendships didn't really blossom for me
until I started healing and doing self-discovery work.
I had to first re-learn that I was worthy of love and friendship.
It takes courage, trust, honesty, openness, willingness
and vulnerability to make and be a good friend.
It takes an ability to see, hear and feel others, to find compassion and love them as they are. This is easier to do when you learn to do it inside first.
Friendship takes making mistakes and a willingness to put yourself
out there and to have your heart broken again and again.
But eventually, you will find your true friend tribe.
They can be one, a few or many, and can come from all walks of life.
Today, the depth and caring I feel with and for my friends
is one of my greatest accomplishments in this lifetime.
From my High School Bestie, to ASU and USM friends,
to life-long friends I've met on jobs and travel adventures,
to friends volunteering in meaningful causes and sharing similar
spiritual and social-emotional views... I've learned that I have
an excellent 'friend picker,' and I am so deeply thankful for this.
I am truly blessed with a variety of conscious, kind and caring friends.
Friends who make my life and this world better.
Friends like you.
THANK YOU!
If you are longing for a BFF here are my 3 tips:
1) Look into your eyes in the mirror and take a moment to be with
precious you. Say kind words and be gentle with yourself. Do this daily.
2) Know (re-learn) that you are worthy of love, kindness and friendship.
3) Ask someone you like to meet for coffee or a walk and get to know them better. You might find someone who's awesome, just like you!
It's never too late to find your BFF, inside and out.
Be the mirror that attracts the Light.
Your friend,
Teri Jo
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