Dr. Bolton
Hello TMS Family
With everything going on right now and the new restrictions that are being put in place, and all the stress the holiday season can bring, especially now with everything being so different. I wanted to share some strategies that might help. Here are some tips from Psychology Today.
Feeling depressed or anxious is not unusual during the holiday season. Upcoming dinners, parties, and other family or friend gatherings may cause a great deal of stress. These feelings may be even worse for those who have experienced divorce, lost a loved one, are living far from family and friends, etc..
Here are some tips to “beat the holiday blues.”
1. Keep your regular routine.
A change in routine can lead to additional stress. Try to exercise at your usual time, go to meetings that you normally go to, and stick to as normal as normal a diet as you possibly can. I know this one for me is crucial into feeling like my best self.
2. Think moderation.
While it may be easy to drink and eat too much at parties and special dinners, we should try not to overindulge with food and/or adult beverages. Remember, eating and drinking may feel like they temporarily “ease the pain” of the holiday blues, but they can also lead to feelings of guilt.
3. Be realistic, and try not to expect the “ideal” holiday.
So many of us have an idealized version of what the holidays should be like and are very disappointed when they don’t live up to those expectations. Try to be realistic. Remember, nobody has a perfect holiday or perfect family. This is especially true for me, since the passing of my son. Things will never be the same and things are constantly different. I love routine and knowing certain things will take place, but I’ve had to learn that is no longer the case anymore and I try, hard as it is, to be grateful for the family and friends I do have an know one day I will see him again for eternity.
4. Stay connected.
Make sure to leave time to spend with friends and/or family who value you. And if they don’t live close by, call them for a “reality check” or some “grounding.” Remember to ask for support if you need it. This one is huge for me. I am an extremely social person and love to entertain, so having connections feeds my soul.
5. Throw guilt out the window.
Try not to put unreasonable pressure on yourself to be happy, to rejoice, or even to enjoy the holidays. Likewise, try not to overanalyze your interactions with others. Give yourself a break this holiday season. This couldn’t be more truer than right now.
6. Don’t be alone if you don’t want to be.
If you anticipate spending the holidays alone, try to volunteer somewhere, like in a soup kitchen, with children in group homes, or the elderly in various facilities. People will so appreciate you that you may feel better about yourself, but more importantly, you’ll have company. I have believed for a very long, being of service is the best way to get out of yourself. Unfortunately, we can’t do many of these things right now. Instead, maybe it’s dropping off surprise gifts to your neighbors and leaving a Christmas note, or drooping off food at an animal shelter, or like my daughter wants to do, visit a foster care or orphanage and drop off gifts for the children who may not be adopted right now. Be creative and think outside the box.
7. Focus on today, not yesterday.
There’s something about being with family and old friends that makes us become who we were and not who we are. When you find yourself reverting to old childhood patterns with family members, try to walk away for a minute and remember who you are now. Also remember that it’s not necessary to play the same role as you did when you were younger, even if others are encouraging you to do so by their behaviors. If there is someone at the get-together who knows what you are like today, make sure to reach out to them and draw them into the interactions. That will help to ground you.
8. Just say no.
It’s OK to say no when you’re asked to do more than you can. It’s fine to say no to some invitations and fine to say no to those asking for favors. Remember, this is your holiday, too!
9. Ask for help.
Holidays are often a time people attempt to take on too much or do too much on their own. It’s OK to ask for help from family and friends. Whether for decorating, shopping, cooking, or a shoulder to lean on, ask.
10. Be good to yourself.
If you’re feeling blue, pamper yourself. Do what feels good, and what you want to do. Try to take a walk or spend time alone, if that’s what you want. Remember, this is your holiday, too, and you can be there for yourself just like you try to be for everyone else.
The holidays only come once a year and only last for a few weeks. If you follow these 10 tips, you might just find this year to be more joyful and less stressful.
Have a peaceful holiday season!
Dr. Bolton
