The NCAD Advocate

NC Association

of the Deaf

April 2021 - Issue 17

I am Asher’s mom.

It has become a huge part of my identity. I’ve been asked to share our story with you. I hope that sharing our journey offers encouragement and support to others. Our family is a beautiful blend of Deaf, Hard-of-Hearing (HoH), and hearing members. My son, Asher, is profoundly deaf, as in can’t hear a single sound on this earth; he is also device-free so we communicate via American Sign Language (ASL) . My husband is HoH along with his father and sister, it’s hereditary. We thought at least one of our girls would be born with hearing loss, but like their mother, they are hearing (non-Deaf). For us, it didn’t matter whether our kids could hear or not. My husband and I met through a group that served Deaf seniors in a rest home and Deaf kids at a local School for the Deaf. I loved to learn from the Deaf seniors. They just wanted someone who would “listen.”

As a hearing person, sometimes listening with my eyes is difficult, I make mistakes. Lots and lots of mistakes. I’m thankful for the extremely patient and helpful people within the Deaf Community who have taught me and continue to teach me. My heart for the Deaf Community started way back when I was in elementary school in Massachusetts. There was a very large population of D/deaf people as I lived fairly close to Martha’s Vineyard. For those of you who don’t know, Martha’s Vineyard has significance in Deaf History and I encourage you to learn more about it. At the public school I attended we had a few deaf kids who were also enrolled. One of my Sunday School teachers was a hearing Teacher of the Deaf. I wanted to be able to communicate in American Sign Language (ASL) with my Deaf classmates that spent part of their day in my class. Each day I learned a new sign. From there I had the privilege of taking two years of ASL classes in a “sign-only” class, meaning the teacher rarely voiced to us (in Spoken English) after the first day. I tried to spend as much time learning from members of the Deaf Community. I was fortunate to have access to people in the Deaf Community. I realize I had some unique opportunities as a hearing person that many other hearing people do not get to experience.

After our girls were born and had grown into their pre-teen years, we saw a picture of a little boy in China. His description said “Asher, age 3, Deaf.” My husband, Chris, and I instantly KNEW that he was our son! What we didn’t know was that he also has severe autism which no one knew at the time. As another mama, who is Deaf, wrote about her son last year for the NCAD’s e-Newsletter (April 2020 issue), our son is also Deaf-Plus. Asher is Deaf plus Severe Autism. I encourage you to read her story as well because she so accurately explained Deaf plus Autism and offered some excellent advice. Our perspective is a little different because we chose our son and we’re hearing. As a hearing mama of a Deaf child, I have to say the most heart-breaking thing I hear on a regular basis is that people are surprised that we use American Sign Language which we are fairly fluent. This seriously crushes my heart. If you are a hearing parent reading this, I encourage you to learn sign, even if your deaf child has some hearing or wears listening assistive devices, please try to learn. I know that the NC School for the Deaf, where my son attends, offers free classes. You can even do them virtually. There are other great tools out there as well. I frequent the website: www.lifeprint.com. Dr. William Vicars is a Deaf professor and runs the site.

Hearing parents, I feel you, really, I do. It can be intimidating communicating with deaf people if you don’t know that many signs. I do get it. On top of that, you may have heard of “The Mommy Wars”… well, the “Deaf Mommy Wars” are exponentially worse. Cochlear implants, BAHA, hearing aids, device-free…it’s all overwhelming and there are strong arguments on all sides. That’s a discussion for another day, but whatever you choose, PLEASE also learn ASL. Maybe you’re hesitant to reach out. Maybe you’re worried you don’t know any sign or that you don’t sign “good enough.” I encourage you, for the sake of your child that you love so dearly, make that step. In my 30+ years of experience with the D/deaf community from all over the East coast, most of them will respond to your attitude. If you approach someone with grace and a willingness to learn, chances are they will warmly welcome you and desire to help you.

Navigating this life with Asher has been difficult, I have no idea where I’d be without the support and resources of our local Deaf Community. They have a wealth of knowledge and they want to share it with you. They can be role models for your children. For my D/deaf friends reading this, if a hearing parent reaches out, please don’t “tell them what to do” or tell them that their choice in the use of a device is wrong. Be a teacher. Please be patient and gentle as they are often scared and nervous. For my hearing friends, be teachable. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to make mistakes.

I’d like to end with the quote that drew us to Morganton that I read in the newspaper while trying to determine where we’d move so that our son could attend a school for the Deaf. It was from the Mayor of Morganton, “In our community, some of us are hearing and some of us are deaf, but we are ONE community.” This statement means everything to me, because we truly are one community and we have so much to offer each other!

More About the Author and Her Family:

Gina Bailey is married to Chris (HoH) and is a mother to Ayden, Anna, and Asher (Deaf).

Gina is wildly passionate about education for ALL students as she has a Ph.D in Education. She has been a professional educator for the past 15 years with a very diverse educational background, from teaching elementary to higher education. Gina is a forever student.

The Bailey family is also passionate about Education, especially Deaf Education and Special Education, adoption, and the local Deaf Community as both daughters learned sign language at 4 months old, years before Asher came along. The family loves to find all kinds of reason to celebrate with family and friends! They absolutely enjoy serving the community in their hometown, Morganton.

Gina’s eldest daughter is a freshman, studying Forensic Chemistry. Her second daughter is pursuing a career as a Professional American Sign Language Interpreter as she starts college next year in an Interpreter Education Program. Her son is currently enjoying life at the North Carolina School for the Deaf where his world continues to blossom.

Gina is also, unashamedly, a crazy cat lady but thinks dogs are great, too.

NCAD will be happy to forward your inquiries to Gina Bailey if you have any questions or simply want to talk to her, Mom-to-Mom.