"The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself." - Thomas Carlyle 

June 4, 2025

Dear Friends,

We’ve been spending a lot of time at the Village exploring the important topic of solo aging. What we’ve discovered is that, like so many aspects of aging, it’s complex—somtimes woven with grief, loneliness, and uncertainty, but that it can also stimulate growth, exploration, and serenity.

At the Village, we always focus on each other's strengths, both as individuals and when shared with each other - the power of community. And so we have recognized the special nature of solo aging by creating a robust program for solo agers. For more about this, read on.

We have learned that many of the challenges faced by solo agers can be addressed and overcome. This is one of the reasons the Village was created and why it continues to succeed. For more about this, there is our Annual Members' Meeting.

You are warmly invited to experience first hand the power of community - our community. Please join us on June 10, from 5-7 PM at Chicago Theater Works, 1113 W. Belmont, at our Annual Members' Meeting. No speeches - just an opportunity to eat, drink, talk, and see the Village in action.

Warm regards,

Niki Fox, Executive Director

(For more information and to register, click here.)

What is Solo Aging

In the U.S., 27% of adults 60 and older are defined as solo agers because they live alone. That demographic definition doesn't come close to revealing the life stories and life choices that lie behind the words "I am a solo ager."



Some have happily and proudly chosen it; others had an early marriage with little impact on their current life or one that ended in divorce. Others have endured the loss of a life partner who is now in long term care, is cognitively or physically impaired, or has died.

At The Village Chicago, we know many of these stories because 65% of our members are solo agers. And knowing the variety and complexity of their lives, we define a solo ager as anyone making decisions independently. This includes care partners, and even those who have children or family who do not or cannot provide support.

What does it feel like to be a solo ager?

We are grateful and thank the Village members who shared their thoughts and feelings about solo aging.

"Not having somebody to bat around things with. You know, to kind of get feedback and express my thoughts and little inside jokes - that kind of thing.”

"Oh, holidays! Well, particularly Christmas. Yeah, Christmas."

"For me it's having to do all these things now. I was fortunate for many years to have somebody who was sharing all these things. But when it's taken away it seems that it's harder than if you'd started out that way."

"I alone am responsible for everything from changing the furnace filters to keeping us alive."

"Even if you make friends, there's still a difference between a friend and a family member. Because you don't have people you grew up with, someone you were raised in a household with..."

"I'm happy to be old. But your relationships are dwindling. And all of a sudden you wake up one day and you don't have any friends who are alive. And you're less mobile. You know, I used to be able to walk 2 or 3 miles a day. Now some days, it's tough to get out of bed."

"I think the thing that I'm most fearful about at the moment is medical things."

"Sometimes it has almost a negative connotation which it shouldn't."

"The building repair people told me things that I needed to do, and I thought, oh, God Almighty! Here's some other things now I've got to, you know, write down and make sure that every 6 months I do this or that."

"I'm still married to her. She's still part of my life, but in another sense she is not, you know, I'm kind of in limbo."

"Well, I think the hardest part is I do not have an Executor in Chicago. My Executor is my cousin, and she lives in South Carolina and she knows absolutely nothing about my personal life here in Chicago. So it would be extremely difficult. for her to come in and take over if there was an issue."

"I enjoy it as long as I don't feel insecure. And this week I was in the emergency room twice. So it's very up and down."

"Just making decisions on my own without consultation or anybody else, and then also taking into consideration what her needs are. It just means that I have to make all the decisions that pertain to me, as well as my wife."

"There's no one that you're number one to."

But then...

"I like the independence. I don't have to do some things I wouldn't really want to do."

“My husband was very good about smiling and going along with me for certain things. But now I don't have to worry about that."

"I've always enjoyed spending time alone because I love reading."

“Having space that's your own is pretty wonderful."

"The part that I like is that, like anything that I feel like doing, I can do it. So, take a trip, buy something, things that I need, that I want to use. And the ability to just do things completely on my own."

"I'm constantly looking for community. Both the LGBT community and The Village Chicago have been the two most significant communities impacting my life."

“Now I'm turning the place into my own place. And that's one of the benefits.

“You don't have to worry that you might make mistakes. You're learning."

"You're making use of your time in things that you really want to do.”

“It gives an opportunity to explore in a way that you haven't been able to."

These are expressions of loss, grief, fear, inconvenience, confusion, and stasis - but also of growth, energy, curiosity, and serenity. Although these were statements from current solo agers, the reality is that most of us will become solo agers eventually—and their experiences reflect both the challenges and the gifts that many of us will encounter at some point in life. It's the same journey - just different paths.

So what can we, as a community of friends, neighbors, and families do to help each other along the way?

Fight stereotypes

It is a well-researched and demonstrable fact that societal norms and stereotypes can shape our perceptions of aging and of ourselves.

“I'll be home for Christmas..."

"The happy couple."

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be..."

"Family is not an important thing - it's the only thing."

These are but a few examples of how our culture idealizes certain states of being so much, that not achieving them feels like failure. It's not.

Similarly, there is no standard for what being 75 years old "looks like." The way that you and you alone look and act at 62 or

75 or 83 or even 17 is what it looks like.

We can empower each other by calling out and rejecting stereotypes and myths that create unrealistic expectations. We can accept our own aging and can be supportive witnesses to each other's life choices and cheer each other's achieved dreams.

Practice reciprocity

The hard part about practicing reciprocity isn't the giving, it's the asking. Almost everyone dislikes doing it. Once again it's the result of cultural pressure. We think we should be able to do it ourselves. Or we don't want to bother anyone. Or we don't want to seem dependent (another stereotype-induced fear).

One way to overcome this is to remember how good it feels to help. Through evolution, cooperation and caring strengthened the social bonds, which helped humans survive—so our brains are wired to feel good when we support one another. When we do something kind or generous, the brain releases “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which contribute to a sense of pleasure, connection, and wellbeing.

But most important, helping others reinforces a sense of purpose, competence, and belonging. Asking for help is giving someone else the gift of mattering.

Prioritize learning

The current uptick in interest about solo aging has produced a bonanza of very useful books, articles, Ted Talks, and other resources for mastering its challenges. (See Resources below).

That's solo learning - and is essential to acquiring the tools that support solo aging.

There is another kind of learning that happens best within a community. It's a kind of emotional learning that arises from shared experiences, social connection, and mutual support. It builds trust and encourages reciprocity. It can be found in faith-based settings, families, long-standing groups like book clubs and alums, and most definitely within The Village Chicago.

Resources

The Village Chicago Solo Agers Program

The purpose of this program, begun last fall, is to provide a way for solo agers to build out layers of support through connecting at monthly social events as well to bring in recognized experts to provide knowledge and information. For example they have learned about how to use the Apple watch for fall detection (the most commonly expressed fear of those living alone); a Power of Attorney for Healthcare specifically for solo agers; residential options; and options for finding a Power of Attorney for Property when no one is readily available to act in this role. For more information, contact info@thevillagechicago.org.

Books

These are the top rated and best selling books on solo aging:

• Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers by Sara Zeff Geber, PhD

• Who Will Take Care of Me When I'm Old? By Joy Loverde



• Solo and Smart: The Roadmap for a Supportive and Secure Future by Carol L. Marak

TED Talk

"Why You Feel Younger or Older than Your Age" - Tracey Gendron, PhD

Organization

Center for Disability and Elder Law

Officers

David Baker,

Chair

Judith Gethner,

Vice Chair

Liz Metzger,

Secretary

Thomas C. Eley III,

Treasurer

Joan Goldstein

Kathie Kolodgy

Karen Terry

Board of Directors

Don Bell

Jacie Brandes

Stefanie Clark

Tom Pasker

Lois Stuckey

Vamse Kumar Subbiah

Carlos Terrazas

Advisory Council

Neelum T. Aggarwal, MD

Robyn L. Golden, LCSW

Joanne G. Schwartzberg, MD

Executive Director

Niki Fox

The Village Chicago is a community of people who choose to share interests, experience, and friendship as we age. Together with a professional staff, volunteers, and an extensive network of services and service providers, we offer new social connections, lifelong learning, opportunities to find purpose, and support through life transitions.  Everyone needs a Village - who's yours?

2502 North Clark Street, Chicago, Illinois 60614. 773.248.8700

www.thevillagechicago.org