The Newsletter I Never, Ever Thought I Would Write

Hello Carole Ann,

Full disclosure, this is a tough newsletter to write and one I never believed I would have to compose.

Forgive the radio silence, dear subscribers old and new. My beloved husband died just 7 weeks ago after a short illness.  A grenade was thrown into my life and we are still reeling in shock and devastation. 

We have been married for 28 years and together over 30 years.  The screen of my future dreams suddenly cranked to a flickering black blank. Our plans, our desires, our unexplored adventures are not to be shared now.  I will spare you the details of the pain, the stark loneliness (despite superb family and friends) that comes with the loss of a life partner.

Some of you may have trod this path and know this state too well and, inevitably, we all end up in the Grief Club at some point in life. It’s the price we pay for the investment in love.

Let us learn and lean together as we go.

The burden is heavy and it is an endurance I am bearing as best I can because he was worth it.

As a life coach of over two decades I know too well how life can change on a dime. Flying high in April, shot down in May, as Sinatra once mused. Life is fleeting and unchartered. The heavens may laugh as we make plans but plan we must and even in my darkest hour(s) I know that hope and love is the life force, a mere spark at the end of a very long tunnel we must aim for - (even if we can’t see it) and it is that spark the helps us stumble forward; blind but trusting.

Life carries on like a river outside my window and I am coping, functioning, finding pockets of pleasure and peace each day and sitting with, and in, the creeping abyss as it flows, inevitably and unbidden, towards me.

The healing is in the feeling, they say. Go through, not around. But words are insufficient when there is no cure but time and acceptance.

Things that are my cashmere hugs of comfort right now – family, the “light of our life” grand daughter Shiloh, friends who can sit peacefully and courageously in empathy and don’t try to “fix”; long baths, reading, tending my garden, walks in nature, writing, wine, good food, the Griefcast podcast by Cariad Lloyd, coffee in a café, silence, daily check in’s from the inner circle gals, the cats Pikachu and Cherub. I am blessed.

The small acts of kindness from people I don’t even know that well will never be forgotten. My hairdresser who opened super early, bought me flowers and a card but didn’t charge me for a blow-dry on the day of the funeral. A neighbour who offered to take me on a dog walk and chat. The list goes on. I am grateful.

How To Live - Do It Now

Please note this isn’t a pity post. As a coach I am committed to helping my clients make the most of this blink of an eye magic carpet ride called life. It’s a coach’s job to help people navigate stormy waters when life takes a nose dive. That’s part of the deal too. We are there for the whole kit and caboodle.

I feel even more wisdom is coming my way, eventually. I believe wisdom is healed pain. My challenge now is to rebuild and start my own new chapter when the fog, deep fatigue and pain subsides. At present I am my own best, but most challenging, client.

In the meantime I share with you the words of our celebrant Al Mayfield who presided over Patrick’s funeral:

“Don't put things off for later.

Later, enthusiasm fades.

Later, daylight turns to dusk.

Later, children grow up.

Later, loved ones grow old.

Later, life moves forward.

Later, you look back and wish you'd acted...

When the moment was yours.

Life is a fleeting melody, a rhythm of moments that slip through our fingers, never to return in the same way.

Regret lingers like a shadow, heavy with missed opportunities and words left unsaid.

So, let’s not wait for later. Let’s embrace each moment as it arrives, with open hearts and willing hands. Because in the end, we regret not what we did, but what we left undone—the dreams we let drift away, the chances we never took, the words we never spoke”.

Thank you for reading this week’s different newsletter.  

I would like to take the opportunity to thank the team behind the scenes who have kept my business running over the past two months and are integral to my success as a coach and trainer. Special thanks to Caroline – my Super VA, Mike Roberts from Making Digital Real for the Linked In posts, coach Julie Brown for running Brighton Pure Coaching Academy all on her own, Natalie Watkins who successfully launched PCA in Milan this year and to John Ferry for his great contribution to creating content rich newsletters for PCA. Without you I am less than.