The internal beliefs that people hold and repeat in their heads – what one might call a "narrative" or "script" – are incredibly powerful. When such statements are negative, that power can cause sustained damage that hampers functioning. Even a seemingly minor amount of negative self-talk, or a narrative that is limited to a specific domain rather than a general script, can have an unwanted effect. 

People often work hard to conceal these scripts. However, a coach who has established a no-judgment safe space may find, with careful listening, that they hear self-deprecating statements making their way into the conversation. It's tempting to counter an obviously untrue statement with an assertion to the contrary – for example, when a person says they are a failure, telling them that they are a success. However, the coaching approach makes buy-in far more likely. That buy-in can lead a person to question, and perhaps have a chance at discarding, a damaging narrative. 

Fashioning questions using opposites is a targeted way to flip the script with your coachees, after which you can explore how they might apply identified strengths and successes to their areas of challenge. Here are some examples. 

• When someone says "I can't focus on this mechanics material," ask: "What CAN you focus on?"

• When someone says "I am terrible at taking exams," ask, "What exam have you done WELL on?"

• When someone says, "I feel like a failure," ask, "What is your most significant SUCCESS this year?"

• When someone says, "I can't get out of this habit," ask, "How HAVE you broken a problematic habit in the past?" 

Learn more strategies for helping your students build positive self-regard with a LifeBound training.

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