When a school or educator endeavors to create a trauma-informed environment in their school, building relationships with students is seen as one of the core strategies at the forefront of this work. I have heard this said so frequently that to my ears, it often comes off as a platitude or truism. Like, duh…. it’s just that simple. But one of the things that I frequently say is that “it is easy to build relationships with the people that it is easy to build relationships with”. In other words, connection with students is most often a natural and rewarding part of the job. It comes easily with students that have had positive adult connections in the past and with whom we share similar culture, lived experiences, or values.
But what about that student that rejects your attempts to connect? Or that you feel like you are making progress with, and then you hit a wall and are back to square one? What about the students where there is frequent need for repair of the relationship due to negative incidents that degrade trust for both student and adult? What about that student that is withdrawn and needs extra attention and compassion but at a pace and frequency that they can tolerate without becoming overwhelmed or threatened? And what about that student that thrives on attention but can never seem to get enough?
The good news is that for all these students, positive connection and relationship is possible. But it takes two things: Time and Skills (and time to learn, practice, self-reflect on, and receive coaching on these skills!). When the platitude of “build relationships” is paired with increasing demands on educator’s time and increasing class sizes it is easy to see why there is so much frustration in education.
Below are a few ideas on how we can prioritize the time and skills needed to connect with every student.
Time and Skills: District Level
Too often the business of building relationships with students is thought of solely as an educator responsibility. However, engaging all students in positive relationships with adults must be a district priority for it to succeed. Only through this commitment will the time to build and use the skills required, rise to the top of the list of the many competing priorities at school.
1. Prioritize student connections and engagement for all students as a district-wide goal.
2. Use connection and engagement as part of your district branding and marketing. Include this language in your mission and vision statements.
3. Help your school board and the community to see the relationship between student connection, engagement and student achievement.
4. Fund initiatives that intentionally promote student mentoring and culturally responsive practices.
5. Allow for building level daily schedules and professional development to prioritize the time and skill development needed for to achieve these outcomes.
6. Collect and publish data using student and educator voices to determine what is working. Use this data in educator and administrator evaluations. Incentivize positive outcomes.
