January 24, 2024

Quote of the Week:

“Kindness can transform someone’s dark moment with a blaze of light.

You’ll never know how much your caring matters.”

— Amy Leigh Mercree

Emotions are often confused with feelings and moods, but the three terms are not interchangeable. According to the American Psychological Association (APA) emotion is defined as "a complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioral, and psychological elements." Emotions are how individuals deal with matters or situations they find personally significant. Feelings arise from an emotional experience. Because a person is conscious of the experience, this is classified in the same category as hunger or pain. A mood as described by the APA is "any short-lived emotional state, usually of low intensity." Moods differ from emotions because they lack stimuli and have no clear starting point. As an example, insults can trigger the emotion of anger while an angry mood may arise without an apparent, discernible cause.

Emotions are messages one needs to listen to; they exist for a reason. They are useful tools for understanding what is going on within us. Gauging our emotions can better guide us in our caregiving, for even as we learn to honor our right to them, we benefit from a willingness to learn from them. Uncomfortable emotions, such as anger, guilt, depression, or stress arise as early warning signals emerging in order to be addressed. Just as one would be unwise to ignore a "check engine light" on one's dashboard, it is equally unwise to ignore emotions signaling a need for our attention.

Emotions, according to Google are, "A natural instinctive state of mind sourced from one's own circumstances, mood, and relationships with others."  The goal is to manage our emotions, rather than having them manage us. Caregiving can be an emotional rollercoaster. On the one hand caregivers demonstrate love and commitment with the potential for a very rewarding experience. On the other hand, the demands of caregiving are stressful and at times it can be difficult to manage everything. As a result, a variety of emotions are apt to be in play at any given time.

Caregiving is a balancing act. Necessarily, so much attention is focused on the care receiver; that the caregiver can often feel invisible. Finding a balance between caring for oneself with the responsibilities of caring for a loved one can be difficult. So often, caregiver needs become subordinate to the immediacy and more urgent needs of the care receiver. Uncomfortable emotions are often left to fester, while personal needs are either unmet or are failing to be addressed.

Click play to watch webinar recording below:

We turn our attention to some of the problematic emotions most commonly appearing in the role of caregiver of our dependent loved ones:

ANGER: SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF ANGER/FRUSTRATION

• EASILY ANNOYED OR IRRITABLE
• POWERLESS, HELPLESS
• FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO GIVE UP
• FEELING MAD, HOSTILE, ESPECIALLY WITH LITTLE ANNOYANCES
• IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOR
• INCREASED HEART BEAT/PULSE/BREATHING, CLENCHED JAW/FISTS WHEN CONFRONTING IRRITATING INCIDENTS

MANAGING ANGER/FRUSTRATION:

• TAKE A DEEP BREATH, CENTER, AND RESPOND RATHER THAN REACT
• DON'T REPRESS... EXPRESS FEELINGS IN A CALM, CONSTRUCTIVE WAY
• USE "I FEEL' STATEMENTS, AVOID BLAME AND ACCUSATION
• TALK TO OBJECTIVE, UNINVOLVED PARTY TO VENT... RELEASE ANGRY FEELINGS
• ASK FOR FEEDBACK FROM A TRUSTED PARTY TO GAIN ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE
• CONSIDER YOUR EXPECTATIONS, ARE THEY REALISTIC?
• FOCUS ON THE SITUATION, NOT THE PERSON
• TAKE A BREAK AND LEAVE THE SITUATION, IF POSSIBLE, RETURNING WHEN FEELING CENTERED AGAIN

GUILT: SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

• FEEL THEY ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH, COULD DO MORE, COULD HAVE PREVENTED ILLNESS/CONDITION
• GUILT WHEN AWAY FROM CARE RECEIVER
• FEELING BAD ABOUT THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, REGRETS OR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH CARE RECEIVER
•  FEELING NEGLECTFUL FOR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES DUE TO CAREGIVER RESPONSIBILITIES   

MANAGING GUILT:

• FEELING GUILTY IS NATURAL, ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN
• TALK WITH CARE RECEIVER AND APOLOGIZE WHEN APPROPRIATE
• SHARE FEELINGS IN A SUPPORT GROUP, TRUSTED FRIEND, FAMILY, OR PROFESSIONAL
• GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT; WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER 
• BE WILLING TO ENGAGE IN A "DO OVER" AND APOLOGIZE IF RETROSPECT DICTATES

DEPRESSION: SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

• FEELING DOWN OR WORTHLESS, FREQUENT CRYING OR TEARFULNESS
• CHANGES IN APPETITE, INCREASE OR DECREASE
• CHANGES IN WEIGHT, LOSS OR GAIN
• CHANGES IN SLEEP, TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE
• LOSS OF INTEREST, MOTIVATION, OR ENERGY
• INABILITY TO CONCENTRATE OR THINK CLEARLY
• THOUGHTS OF DEATH OR SUICIDE -  SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY!

MANAGING DEPRESSION:

• PHYSICAL EXERCISE. WALKING JUST THREE TIMES A WEEK FOR 30 MINUTES HAS PROVEN TO HELP REDUCE THE EFFECTS OF  DEPRESSION
• SCHEDULE SPENDING TIME IN ENJOYABLE PLACES, GARDENING, VISITING SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS, MOVIES
• JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP
• CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER
• JOURNAL PAINFUL FEELINGS 
• LISTEN TO MUSIC THAT TOUCHES YOUR SPIRIT
• VIEW COMEDY, VIDEOS OF PUPPIES AND KITTENS ON YOUTUBE..."LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE."

STRESS AND EXHAUSTION: SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

• PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL TENSION
• SHORT TERM STRESS VS. LONG TERM, STRESS; SHORT TERM STRESS CAN MOTIVATE EFFECTIVE ACTION RESPONSE ; LONG TERM, PROLONGED STRESS CAN CAUSE, OR FURTHER, HEALTH PROBLEMS SUCH AS HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE OR WORSEN EXISTING HEALTH ISSUES SUCH AS DIABETES, HEART PROBLEMS, OR ASTHMA.  
• INTERNAL VS EXTERNAL STRESS; INTERNAL,INDIVIDUAL'S TEMPERAMENT, IE: OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST;  EXTERNAL, WORK, FAMILY, CARE RECEIVER
• CHALLENGES IN COPING ABILITIES
• MEMORY PROBLEMS
• IMPATIENCE, SHORT TEMPER, GENERAL UNHAPPINESS, POOR JUDGEMENT, FEARFUL ANTICIPATION, OVERDOING ACTIVITIES
• INSOMNIA, FREQUENT COLDS, NERVOUS HABITS

MANAGING STRESS AND EXHAUSTION:

• DIET, EAT WELL, DRINK PLENTY OF LIQUIDS
• EXERCISE, AT LEAST 30 MINUTES A DAY, IN 10 MINUTE SESSIONS, IF IN TIME CONSTRAINT
• PRIORITIZE: DETERMINE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE NOW, AND WHAT CAN BE PUT OFF
• ASK FOR HELP, KNOW WHEN TO SAY "NO".
• SCHEDULE FREE TIME
• LEARN AND PRACTICE RELAXATION TECHNIQUES SUCH AS YOGA, DEEP BREATHING TECHNIQUES
• ALLOW FOR A SPONTANEOUS POWER NAP WHEN POSSIBLE
• TAKE TIME TO MEDITATE
• AVOID OR CUT DOWN ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN NOTICING IT CAUSING ANXIETY
• WHEN FUTURE FEAR THOUGHTS TAKE OVER, PRACTICE BEING PRESENT IN THE "NOW."

GRIEF: SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS 

• EMOTIONAL PAIN ASSOCIATED WITH THE LOSS OF ANYTHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE
• SAD ABOUT CHANGES IN THE PERSON YOU LOVE, YOUR RELATIONSHIP, SOCIAL LIFE
• DISAPPOINTMENT LOSS OF HOPES AND DREAMS, PLANS FOR THE FUTURE CAREER GOALS
• ANTICIPATORY GRIEF FOR THE LOSSES YET TO COME

MANAGING GRIEF:

• ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE, MUCH OF CAREGIVING CAN BE A GRIEF PROCESS
• FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE AND MAKE A PLAN FOR THE FUTURE
• FIND WAYS TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW
• JOURNAL AS MEANS TO BEAR WITNESS TO YOUR JOURNEY
• SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS  
• JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP

IMPORTANT REMINDERS: 

• KNOW WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO
• PICK WHICH THINGS ARE IMPORTANT
• FORGIVE YOURSELF WHEN THINGS DON'T GO THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO  

ACCEPT DIFFERENT FEELINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES; THEY WILL COME, AND GO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. SCHEDULE TIME FOR YOURSELF

KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HOLD RESPECT FOR YOUR NEEDS; BE WILLING TO SAY NO, AS WELL AS YES TOMORROW IS ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY; A CLEAN SLATE NOT YET WRITTEN UPON.

REMEMBER TO BREATHE... SLOWLY AND DEEPLY ... "THIS HAS COME TO PASS, NOT TO STAY"

Together, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of

elders and family caregivers who selflessly support them.

DayBreak is committed to empowering elders and supporting caregivers. If you know a senior in need of our care and coordination services, or a family caregiver seeking assistance, encourage them to reach out to us at:

510-834-8314