The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Wednesday the 24
th
of Shevat 5779 and January 30, 2019
It was Wednesday afternoon and Chaim was still unsure about his Shabbos plans.
As he pondered his situation he looked over at the picture of his daughter Naomi taken just hours after she was born.
In the picture, Chaim is holding Naomi proudly.
He is smiling as he cradles his new-born daughter.
Yet, now he wonders, “how did it happen?”
Back then Chaim was seemingly happily married to Sorala as they celebrated the birth of their daughter.
Chaim recalled how he suggested to his wife that they name the daughter Naomi after his deceased grandfather Nachman. Chaim had been particularly close to his grandfather so he asked if they could name her Naomi as the first two letters of the name are identical.
Naomi immediately became the focal point of Chaim’s life.
When he would return home from work, he would run to pick her up and dance and play with her.
As she grew and began to speak, he taught her Modeh Ani and Torah Tzivah Lanu Moshe.
However, if Naomi was the most precious person in his life, Sorala wasn’t.
Soon after Naomi was born, issues arose between Chaim and his wife.
They were individually both warm and functional people.
However, no matter how much they tried they were constantly at odds with each other.
As the years continued it became apparent that they were incompatible.
After multiple attempts at therapy, Chaim and Sorala divorced.
Naomi had just turned three.
Since that day Chaim became part of an almost unrecognized and often overlooked group in the Orthodox community: single-divorced men with a child.
For some reason when you hear the phrase “single-parent-home”, you immediately think of a single woman.
There are support groups for divorced women which facilitate social events and often even offer financial support.
For the divorced father, especially with a young daughter, there are no support groups.
At best Chaim feels pitted, and at worst, he feels, that everyone blames him for being divorced.
And as a single father who wants to maintain and cultivate a meaningful relationship with his daughter the obstacles are daunting.
When Naomi came a young child for Shabbos, what does Chaim do about davening?
Does he miss Shul on Shabbos or try to find a baby sitter?
And as his daughter grew so do the difficulties.
Naomi needs and wants a social group to be with on Shabbos as all girls do.
For the single male parent, attempting to find a place for Shabbos where there will be girls similar in age is a formidable task.
As Chaim continues to lament over his reality, he still has no idea where he and Naomi will be for this Shabbos.
Naomi finds it “so-boring” to stay home and eat alone just with her father, and there is a limit to how many families Chaim can impose on for an invitation.
Chaim finally calls his friend Shimon. “Can Naomi and I come for lunch this Shabbos?” He can he hear Shimon’s wife in the background saying, “Why does he always call us? He can’t make a chulent and buy a kugel? I’m exhausted and did not want guests this Shabbos.”
Shimon hesitantly says, “I’m really sorry this week won’t work.”
Chaim thanks him and puts the phone down.
He reaches for the picture of Naomi at her birth and begins to cry.
Naomi’s picture, which is already stained with many tears from many cries looks back at him.
As his tears turn to sobs, the picture slips from his hand and slowly floats downwardly until it lands face down on the carpet.
“I can bear a lot of pain, but the loneliness and helplessness are just too much for me”, Chaiim says aloud as he dissolves into a sea of tears.
“If Not Now, Then When?”- Hillel
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ
