The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Thursday the 13
th
of Nissan 5779 and April 18
th,
2019
It’s All How You Choose To Look at it!
The phone call came in last year one week before Pesach.
The Bachur was calling from out of town with a personal Shaiyla which he could not discuss with the family’s Rav as he was embarrassed to bring it up with him.
He identified himself as Menashe.
His dilemma?
His grandfather was comatose and was in a facility located outside the Jewish community.
His parent’s had decided as he was the oldest unmarried grandson, he must spend Pesach with his grandfather.
He confided in me that although he loves his grandfather and realizes how great the Mitzvah will be, nevertheless, he resents the fact that since he is 28 and the oldest unmarried grandchild he always gets “dumped on” for all the Mitzvohs his married siblings cannot do.
He himself is guiltridden for even feeling this way.
Nevertheless, he does not feel any joy in going and as Pesach looms closer, his resentment grows.
He reached out to me to ask, “What should I do?”
I thought to myself, “What should I say?”
I could tell him the standard things: how Hashem has chosen him for this special Mitzvah….
However, none of it would be new to Menashe.
His parents have told them this every time he is asked to do something his married siblings cannot do.
I tried to feel his pain and think about how I would feel if I had to do the Seder alone.
Suddenly I realized, I once was in his position!
In 1977 I was learning in small yeshiva in Bnei Brak.
For Pesach, I was going to my uncle in Yerushalayim.
I asked the Rosh Yeshiva how many days of Yom Tov I should observe. He told me to observe two days of Yom Tov including a second Seder.
When I arrived at my uncle ’s house and told him the news, he was confused.
This was a man who never left Eretz Yisroel – hardly left Yerushalayim -and never heard of anyone in Yerushalayim making a second seder.
Nevertheless, he obliged me and provided the necessities for me to conduct my seder alone.
At first, as I sat at the table I felt ashamed and lonely.
My relatives were cleaning up from Yom Tov and I sat like an outsider making my solo-Seder.
Then I decided that if I asked a Shayla and received the answer to make a second Seder then this is what must be.
I resolved to make the best of a difficult situation.
I started to sing all of the niggunim as loud as I could.
However, to the onlooker, all they could see was (as is stated by Chanah), “only her lips were moving, and her voice was not heard.”
By the time I concluded the seder I had come up with the greatest Chiddush of my entire life: “It really wasn’t so bad being with me. “Me” was even surprisingly enjoyable to be with!”
I returned to Menashe who was still on the line.
“Menashe, you and I both know what a great Mitzvah it is for you to be with your grandfather.
However, I want you to know that the person who has the potential to benefit from this experience more than anyone else is you.
And I proceeded to tell him the story of my solo-Seder in Yerushalayim 42 years ago.
“Menashe, as Hashem did for me 42 years ago at my solo-seder when I realized I’m not so bad to be with. You too should gain the same insight.”
I wished him a good Yom Tov, hung up the phone, said a Kapitel Tehillim and wondered what would be.
I never heard from Menashe again.
That is until last week.
Menashe called to tell me he just became a Chosson and he wanted me to know.
“Mazel Tov!! By the way, What made you call me now? We haven’t spoken for almost a year?”
Menashe replied, “Rabbi, I listened to what you said and I went to my grandfather last Pesach. And like you said, I came out with a great sense of self-esteem.
I realized I have what to offer and I’m not such a bad guy after all.
It was this boost of self-confidence which propelled me to conquer my commitment phobia and to finally become a Chosson. That’s why I’m calling you. You were so right, Being with me is not so bad! Thinking back to our conversation and becoming a Chassan made me realize how I must share with you the good news.”
Needless to say, I was greatly relieved and totally filled with Simcha over the event.
Who could have ever imagined that a young yeshiva bachur’s solo-seder in 1977 in Yerushalayim would facilitate the marriage of a 28-year-old bachur in 2019?
I guess that’s why Chazal connected Pesach with marriage as they say, "To match couples together is as difficult as Krias Yam Suf!”
Have a wonderful, stress-free and meaningful Pesach!
“If Not Now, Then When?”- Hillel
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ
